LOW 79 - Brittany Sent Johnny to Therapy

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On this episode of LOW Johnny has a breakdown, because of Brittany. Also, did Johnny take steps back in his break up with Dear? Plus, Dear shares TO MUCH of her sex life with Johnny.  Enjoy!

Hosts: Johnny Wilde @lifeofwilde, Brittany Astle

Links/Sponsors: LIFEOFWILDE.COM/support, LIFEOFWILDE.COM/audible

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Disbelief, Sad, Dear - Part 3

The conclusion I've come to is that she does what she wants to do. There is no kind of mental disorder that makes somebody sleep with random men. If some counselor has told her that then that counselor is full of crap. There comes a point in time in which you have to hold yourself personally responsible for your behavior.

Sad

It just makes me sad still to this day that ultimately she did not choose me. I always told her it's not the mistakes you make it's what you do about the those mistakes. As people know I had forgiven her many many times but she just started taking advantage of that. That makes me sad as well. It makes me very sad that it seems that she is not the kind, caring, generous, giving, compassionate, beautiful, thoughtful person she presented herself to be. I really thought she was different.

During times of being broken up and apart she would always give me these reasons why she would not contact me. They were always strange weird reasons I thought. Like she was doing me some sort of favor. How do you intertwine yourself in someone's life and then just disappear? The only answer I can come up with is that it must take someone without a conscience at all. For almost 3 years we did everything together and now she's just gone? I wish I was just half as good at getting over her as she is at getting over me. 

I know why she hasn't contacted me, it's because nothing has changed. If she had turned things around I would be the first person she would want to tell. Unfortunately her silence speaks volumes.

DATING JOHNNY

DATING JOHNNY

AFTER SCREWING JOHNNY OVER

AFTER SCREWING JOHNNY OVER

Maria Ochoa San Angelo

I used to think that Maria Ochoa From San Angelo was so beautiful. I am not sure what happened. Maybe nothing happened and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Dating Johnny

Dating Johnny

After Screwing Johnny Over

After Screwing Johnny Over

Dating Johnny

Dating Johnny

After Screwing Johnny Over

After Screwing Johnny Over

Dating Johnny

Dating Johnny

After Screwing Johnny Over

After Screwing Johnny Over

Dating Johnny

Dating Johnny

After Screwing Johnny Over

After Screwing Johnny Over

She used to be in to fashion and running and now it looks like she's into archery and dressing more comfortably we could say? I think we could all agree that she doesn't look as happy in the "After Screwing Johnny Over" shots as she does in the "Dating Johnny" shots. Too bad this new lifestyle doesn't agree with her. Maybe the grass wasn't greener on the other side after all? I still think it's sad that two people can share absolutely everything together and be extremely intimate with each other for three years and then overnight, nothing. I just don't understand it? How could she literally have nothing to say to me? Unless everything really was fake and she really was conning me the entire time? 

She may be too busy with her new friends which I hear are dedicated to re-creating the middle ages here in the modern-day with something called Barony of Bonwicke. I also hear that one of her friends is even a web minister, wow sounds really advanced. On top of all of this she's got all of her new friends at time clock plus in San Angelo Texas.

I guess the sweet, caring, smart, beautiful, and sexy Maria Ochoa that I knew is long gone never to return. She literally doesn't even look like the same person that I knew. I told her this what would happen, I also told her that I believed in her and all of this didn't have to happen. It's a damn shame. She could've really changed her legacy.

Disbelief, Sad, Dear - Part 2

I'm not sure why but here lately I have really missed her. Or I really miss who I thought she was at least. It makes me so angry what she did to us. I just feel like we had it all but it still wasn't enough for her.

Disbelief

I also remember so vividly sharing with Maria Ochoa from San Angelo, Texas how deeply it hurt me when Littleone cheated on me and led two separate lives while we were together. I remember telling Dear how difficult it was trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't with Littleone. It had been years since the whole Littleone thing but it was still very raw to me even when I was with Dear. But Dear made it safe for me and I literally cried in her arms at times.

The whole time this was happening Dear was assuring me that she would never do anything remotely close to that to me. Little did I know that she was taking notes on exactly what to do and how to hurt me the most. Is that what she was doing? That's the bad thing about Dear disappearing. I'm left to draw my own conclusions. How can that be the same girl that I thought was so stunningly beautiful? The same girl that all I wanted to do was make her happy? There are so many contradictions that it absolutely kills me. I know I'm talking in circles sort of but just stick with me.

You have Dear that is so kind and loving that she literally held me while I cried about Littleone and seemed so compassionate on one hand and then on the other hand you have the Dear that during one of the many times we were broken up drove four hours to see me for the day and say that she wanted us to be back together. Yet she was with another guy within days of saying that!

I keep going back to this comment that someone left “Did you ever think about the fact that she molded herself to what she thought you wanted, so she could use you more. Speaking from I know her now, and I see how she acts around all the men we work with. That is just her, she is incapable or doesn't want to change. You need to put a smile on, and move on she was not the one for you. Realize that! Wake Up and Smell the Coffee. I've read your blog for going on 5 years now its time to suck it up”. Thank you again for whomever left that comment.

The first part of that comment about her molding herself and doing what she thought I wanted so she could use me more falls under my disbelief column. How and why would she do this to me? And for three years and seem so sincere?  I really don't want to believe it but without her here to say any different, I don't have much of a choice but to believe it. And then the part about how she acts around guys at work. She used to tell me that she seeks male attention because it makes her feel better about herself. She used to tell me a lot of things about the reasons she did what she does with random men. The conclusion I've come to is.......

Part 3 SOON

Disbelief, Sad, Dear

Here lately I have been thinking about all of the fun things that Dear and I did when we were together. Then I have to remind myself that I tend to remember only the good things and not the badwhich only leads to trouble. 

Out of all of my serious relationships, the one with The M-Word ended the best way I think. No relationship ends good, but if someone were to ask me why The M-Word and I did not work out I would say just because we didn't workout. Maybe she was too young, maybe it was timing, maybe it was a lot I things. But one thing it wasn't, she wasn't evil to me. I don't believe that The M-Word was two different people like Dear, one way with me and one way with everyone else. I really believe that it was just timing. I also believe if you asked her she would not say she hates me and I certainly don't hate her. I look back on the time I had with her withfondness, And I remember the time I spent with her as good.

I think one of the reasons that it's taking me so long to get over Dear is because I was told and believed so many things that ended up not being near the truth. I have all of these memories of us doing all of these fun things together then to only find out that she really had a second life during that time. Let me be more specific. On November 22, 2013, I took Dear to Dallas and we stayed at the new Omni Hotel downtown. The one that is in the opening scene of the new Dallas TV show.  It was the 50th anniversary of the JFK assassination. Both of us were too young to remember it yet both of us were interested in that part of history. We went down to the grassy knoll, we went to the Texas School Book Repository which is now a museum, and all around the area of where JFK was shot. For some reason, I just remember this trip very well because we had a really good time. I remember thinking that it was really cool that we were both interested in the same thing.

I also remember this trip for a second distinctive reason. I couldn't sleep very well, andremember laying there next to her just looking at her and thinking about how beautiful she was. I remember feeling so fortunate that she was with me. I also remember being in somedisbelief that this beautiful girl was with me. She was absolutely stunning. Yes, she was absolutely stunning just laying there sleeping. I remember this so well just as if it were yesterday. I remember laying there and thinking that I wanted to do everything I could to make her happy. I have no idea if she will read this but if she does she will remember this night as well because I woke her up and told her how beautiful I thought she was.

I'm not sure why but here lately I really miss her. Or I really miss....

Part 2 SOON

LOW 77 - Body Parts Part 1

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On this episode of LOW we reveal our favorite body parts and how we like them to be groomed. Also, get off your cellphone and talk to me! Plus, Brittany is way to hard headed. Enjoy

Hosts: Johnny Wilde @lifeofwilde, Brittany Astle

Links/Sponsors: LIFEOFWILDE.COM/support, LIFEOFWILDE.COM/audible

Send your questions and/or feedback to feedback@lifeofwilde.com

Please leave your comments below