Re Post

I found this blog post and I thought I would re post it. I am still having a hard time with this. The comment is great!

Here is a little back story.

Here is a little back story.
Littleone was very into school. She was obsessed with getting her degree. She was going to be the first one in her family to get a degree. It was a BIG DEAL for her. Also her mom and dad divorced . She was VERY CLOSE to her mother. I am telling this so you will understand this little story.

Part 1: I remember it like it was yesterday. I was going to work at the OU stadium for the weekend. I told littleone I was going to try to leave after she got off work.(Red Lobster) Well, I did not try very hard and I left without her. She called me after work and asked where I was. I told her I had already left. She sounded like I had literally broken her heart. I felt really bad. Really bad. She quit her job shortly after that. She said she wanted to be able to travel with me, which she did. We began going everywhere together. Then the BIG shock. The next fall (football season) she announced she was taking a semester of school off to be able to go/help with all my stadiums. I could not believe she would do that for me.(us)

Part 2:Littleone was very close to her mother. Long long story but littleone and her mother and I got crossed up. She told her mother that she loved me and was going to be with me and if that meant they would not talk or see each other then so be it. WOW! It quickly worked it self out, but I could not believe how strong she was.
And she was just 19!!

Part 3: I blame myself for alot that happened with littleone. When I first met her I was just getting out of a relationship with the M-word. I was not looking to date anyone. A friend and I went out to eat and littleone was our waitress. I thought she was cute but honestly I thought if anything she would be a rebound kind of thing. Just because I was still healing up from my breakup. Well needless to say she was way more that a rebound. More on all that later.


Part 4: I was so mean and thoughtless with littleone, hoping she would go away and maybe the M-word would come back and love me the way littleone was loving me. Then once I figured out that the M-word was a dead-end road, I did not want her back anyway, but it was to late with littleone. I had pushed her so far away and I HATE myself for that. I still blame and hate, hate, hate myself for that. I can see what I did so clearly now but I did not see it at all then. I wish someone would have hit me over the head and said look what your doing.

Next Part:
To me, the bad far out weighs any good I got out of
dating both the M-word and littleone. When I think about it, I am sure they feel the same way about me. I mean really, what did we walk away
with? The M-word loves the quote "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"
Well I think that is crap!!

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

It seems that the relationship with Littleone was truely bitter sweet for both of you. She loved and gave until she reached the point that she could not give any more. Unfortunately when she reached that point you realized what you had and it was already too late with her. Holding on so strong to someone from your past will doom any relationship. I'm sure Littleone felt like she was competing with a ghost (which is a losing battle) and that is why she gave up on you. There isn't a doubt in my mind that she loved you but, as you said, you pushed her away. As you know, one can only take so much before they have to look out for number one.We never really know what we have in a partner or relationship until it is gone or, in your case, until they let go and quit trying. This realization is what hurts and lingers the most. While time does heal all wounds, matters of the heart last until you forgive yourself and the other person. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason. One day, whether its next month or in 8 years, you will be able to look back on your relationship with her and find the reason. Maybe it was something as simple as learning to let go or something much more complex that noone else can see. Either way it was not a wasted relationship. Yes, you got your heart broken and are still recovering from it but you will make it to the point you can let someone in and love and trust again. Driver

Wednesday, July 23, 2008 12:14:00 AM CDT

new blog design

 Surely by now you've noticed the new blog design. Would love for you to leave some comments and let me know what you think. I like to change it up every once in a while just to keep it fresh. But they also added some additional features and you know me and technology, I had to try them out.

I don't know if I've ever told you, the LOW followers, I'm a big audio book fan. There's a link at themomoflowforaudible.com. If you follow that link, you get a discount. The reason I'm telling you this is because I'm going to start posting on the right-hand side of the blog a list of audio books that I've listened to, and I may talk about the one that I'm listening to currently.

I'll do that right now. It's called, Real Life: Preparing for the Seven Most Challenging Days of Your Life. I know what you're thinking, choose something else and lighten up. But I was sort of curious of what Dr. Phil would think the seven most challenging days of my life would be. Sometimes I think my life is already more than half over. So I thought I might as well listen to his book and see if I've had the seven days yet. Sure glad I did. Life must not be over, I haven't had  all seven of those days  yet!

Twit Pillow

 Its been a while since I've done a post and quite a few things have happened.
 If you will look back at the post from Tuesday, April 27  I was talking about my final words about little blonde and also was talking about a Twit pillow that I really wanted.  Here is a photo below of Leo holding it.

 Well, last week when I got home I had not one but two Twit pillows on my front porch. They were in Ziploc bags, and had no mailing labels so they had to have been dropped off at my front porch. No note, no card, no nothing but the two pillows. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining I asked for the Twit pillow and I received not one but two of them. So whomever got them for me, I want to say thank you. Let me say it again. I want to say a really BIG thank you. It was really cool to come home to such a surprise. I never actually thought anyone would get me one.

Next time I'm asking for something bigger like maybe a car! Just kidding! But seriously whomever left them, I really appreciate it and thank you. And if you would like to let me know who you are I would love to thank you in person.
 

iPhone 4

This is what I saw when I went to the AT&T store and San Angelo Texas this morning at 8 AM. Yes look closely to the right and you will see a tent. I want my iPhone 4 and all but I'm not willing to pitch a tent in front of the AT&T store for it. I did go to four different locations and none of them had one. Looks like I'll have to wait for the one that I pre-ordered that supposed to come sometime after July 15. This makes me not happy.

iJustine

Storms 'a comin'!!!!!!

http://dailybooth.com/ijustine/5700025


Sent from my iPad

600,000 iPhone 4s pre-ordered, Apple apologizes for issues

600,000 iPhone 4s pre-ordered, Apple apologizes for issues


We were amazed last night to see both Apple and AT&T sell out of iPhone 4 pre-order units despite the sustained ordering issues, and now we know why: Apple managed to move 600,000 iPhones in just a single day. Yes, that's a lot -- Apple says it's the largest number of pre-orders it's ever taken in one day, and AT&T says it's ten times as many orders as it took for the iPhone 3GS. It's not all sunshine and roses, though; Apple's also apologizing to the large numbers of people who simply couldn't get through yesterday, and AT&T's suspended pre-orders entirely until the device is in stock. We're guessing AT&T might also be putting the stopper on things while it gets those pesky security issues under control, but there's a chance the carrier is just trying to deal with the insane order volume coming from Apple's servers -- it served up 13 million eligibility checks yesterday, shattering the previous record by three times. All in all, it looks like Apple has a hot item on its hands here -- almost too hot to handle. Here's Apple's full statement:
Yesterday Apple and its carrier partners took pre-orders for more than 600,000 of Apple's new iPhone 4. It was the largest number of pre-orders Apple has ever taken in a single day and was far higher than we anticipated, resulting in many order and approval system malfunctions. Many customers were turned away or abandoned the process in frustration. We apologize to everyone who encountered difficulties, and hope that they will try again or visit an Apple or carrier store once the iPhone 4 is in stock.

Update: Looks like that "ships by" date just slipped once more from July 2nd to July 14th. Yikes.
430

Brooks & Dunn

Well this blog post is going to be a Brooks & Dunn concert review, and some other random thoughts I have. So first the Brooks & Dunn concert:

For any of you that took the poll on LOW here is the answer:



Here are a couple of great pictures that I took:
It was absolutely a terrific concert. There was no sign of the M-Word, thank goodness. We had great seats, and it was just probably one of the best shows I've ever seen them put on. But yes, sad. I'm got to look at their schedule and see if there's anyway I could make one more somewhere.

Now for the rest of the random thoughts. I warned you, they are random thoughts. Yesterday I was at Texas Tech University, tomorrow I will be at the University of Texas, last weekend I was in Dallas to see Brooks & Dunn, and I'm gold on American Airlines, if that tells you how much I travel. What is the point of all of this? Well that is my question precisely. What the hell am I doing here? Sorry to be so blunt that way. But what in the hell am I doing here? I feel  very bored and unchallenged.

Getting ready to start another year in the stadium business, and I feel like I can do it in my sleep backwards. Its already June, then there's July. The last two months before the big stadium ramp up. Then we've got the fall football season, then we've got, you guessed it, me and my PC watching a Brooks & Dunn video for Christmas then, if you've been paying close attention you'll know Macworld is next in San Francisco. So I say once again, what in the hell am I doing here? Maybe a better question is, why am I here? And then, do I want to stay here? I mean you must admit this does get a tad bit redundant. The most exciting thing to happen is maybe I'll have a little blonde, excuse me, a little brunette between now and Christmas.

 Okay more fun stuff just for a second.

 So sorry to be negative in this post but I have got to find something that makes me feel like I have some meaning or some challenge of being here. I think back to the times when I was happiest. One of those times was when I was trying to get my dad sober, yes because it was a challenge. The Johnny's Jerky days, that was a huge undertaking to build that business and there was tons of pressure. Starting out in the stadium business, I had no idea what I was doing but I love learning new things. Prepaid legal services was great with learning the ins and outs of that business and meeting new people and the process. And yes, being in a relationship was challenging and I felt like there was at least a Point A to Point B to Point C. But now it just sort of feels like I could turn off every phone and e-mail, close down the office, and stay at home in this chair and not much would change.



Not good. Not good at all. And what makes things even worse  not only have I lost my blood family but I have lost my adopted family. Okay enough rambling for today. I'm going to bed. I'm sure tomorrow will be better since the last 800 days have been just like the 800 days before that.