I'v always have been good at giving people nicknames. I've been doing that for years, way before this blog. But now I give everyone a nickname on this blog number one, because everyone that's on this blog may not want to be, number two it's kind of fun to think of a nickname for a person, number three, I get asked all the time who is the M-Word or who was Little Blonde. It also lets the reader guess who the person as I'm talking about. So with that said I'm going to tell you about the traveling Brooks & Dunn girl.
I flew into Oklahoma City just in time to go to my hotel, take a shower, and get ready for the big sold-out Brooks & Dunn concert. It was at the Ford Center downtown Oklahoma City. This is right next door to the convention center where I've been dozens of times for the Pre-Paid Legal conventions. It brought back tons of memories of all those fun times. So anyway, I get to the concert. I do what I always do, I go down and scout out my seat and see where I'm sitting. I had a floor seat with only one ticket because I knew I would be by myself and it was a great seat location. Nobody was sitting in my row so far. I went back up to get Little Blonde and the Littlest Blonde a couple of T-shirts and hats. When I came back down there was only one person in my row, and they were sitting right next to my seat. So I sat about two seats down and watched the first opening act. And then............
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Fear – Quality of Life
You know recently I was visiting a friend of mine, and they were telling me to make sure when I came and always lock the door behind me. This was in the middle of the day. Also they had a big fancy alarm system, that they had to have a special phone line for. And they just seem sort of paranoid. But of course I didn't say anything because it's really none of my business. I just happen to drive by my friend's house the other night and I bet you could see my friends house from space. They have got so many outdoor lights I would hate to see their electricity bill. I bet all those outdoor lights cost more than their air conditioner. It must be terrible to live in such fear, and be so paranoid, and either think you have that many people after you, or you really do. Who knows about this friend though they're halfway crazy. I'll leave the keys to all my vehicles inside of them every day when I get home and I have ever sense I can remember. That's what my parents always did. At night sometimes if I remember to lock the door lock it. In the daytime if I remember to lock my door I like it. But I can't tell you how many times I've gotten up in the morning and the doors not even locked. And I have outside lights but only turn them on when I'm going outside. I refuse to live in such fear and paranoia. I mean come on really if somebody wants me that bad what are a few lights and a fancy alarm system going do if somebody really wants me. My theory is they can just come get me. Anyway I just thought that was a cool observation. I'm so glad I can just live free and do what I want to do what I want to do it. I shall add this to my gratitude list. There are good thing in life.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Little Blonde - Song (CD)
I was not with Little Blonde long enough to get "OUR SONG" but from the very first day I met her, I told her there was one song that made me think of her. Months later she told me every time she heard it, it reminded her of me telling her about this song. Give it a spin!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Journaling - Florida
Those of you that have known me for any length of time know that I've always kept a journal. My friend Jim Rohn taught me this practice when I was 16 years old. So I got in the habit of always writing down what happened that day. As he said, it's a habit you have to develop to write something down, just a little something every day. He always used to say, “don't trust your memory.” He is so right. I have those journals going back to age 16. It's so fun some time to look back through them and see what I was thinking and feeling at the time.
Well what has happened to me, due to The Compass, which by the way needs to post something so we know you really exist, talked me into doing this blog. Well I didn't realize it at the time but this blog has become my journal. When I first started this blog, I didn't think anybody in the world would read it.
Just a quick side story and I want to share with you. In my office we are using a new program called Daylite. And from time to time, we have to have support for this program. Me and the guy, I'm going to call him Florida, have become pretty good friends over this process. I guess you would make friends if somebody was paying you $100 an hour, too, but anyway he mentioned to me the other day that he was sorry to hear about my breakup. Now keep in mind Florida is completely a support person. I have never met him in person and he is telling me he's sorry about my breakup. I asked him how he knew about that. He said LOW. I asked him how he found out about LOW? He said twitter. So it's so interesting that this little bitty blog has spread literally all over the world. I see my page views and where they come from and it is literally amazing. So my Florida friend says I don't know if I could do what you do and share all of my feelings so publicly. I said what do you mean? Florida said, you don't seem to leave anything out. You tell the whole story. Things that ordinary people I guess would be afraid to tell. Well it really doesn't scare me at all for people to know that I have feelings, and I get happy and I get sad. And I'm not afraid to tell you on this blog what makes me happy and what makes me sad. Someone said one time, people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. But it really was surprising to hear my Florida friend talk about LOW when I've never met him. Florida seems like a cool guy though, he has a wife, one child on the ground, and another one coming. I'm always interested in people who are able to make marriage actually work, so I will be monitoring him closely.
So thinking back over the breakups that really still bother me to this day. This was before I gave everyone nicknames, but we'll just call her the girl that lives in Dallas.
Dallas
That breakup did not bother me, in fact we're friends today. We both mutually decided that we were not meant to date each other. She went her way and I went mine. No Mystery
The M-Word
Then we go to the breakup with The M-Word. That breakup really bothered me at the time because I wanted it to work so badly but there was no way to make it work. And we both knew that. It wasn't like she was ever mean or evil to me. It just wouldn't work. No Mystery
LittleOne
Family got the Little One to breakup. Which I still say to this day is the worst thing I have ever been through in my entire life. If Little One is a 99, then Little Blonde is a 98. The only reason that Little One scores higher than Little Blonde is the time factor and the business factor. We were together three years, and she was totally intermingled with my business. And what makes that breakup still so difficult is the mystery. I still don't know if I'm dealing with a mentally ill person, or I'm dealing with someone who likes to play games and hurt people and be evil. Either way it still hurts today immensely. And what I think makes it hurt so immensely is that I don't know why. I still don't know if any of the things we did or said together were real? I hate that. There were no closing comments, no I hate you's or I love you's. Just one day you're together good to spend your whole life with this person and the next day she's gone.
Little Blonde
This one was awful for a couple of reasons. One of the reasons is because of her daughter which I got extremely close to. The biggest reason is, and I can't believe this as I write it, but I actually fell in love with her. See what she didn't know was I had put my guard up and built a huge wall around myself ever since Little One. I'm not listing everyone I've dated here, I'm just listing those that made a difference. And there were two or three people who in fact I dated for a decent length of time between Little One and Little Blonde. But all of them could see this huge wall that I put up. I had decided ever since Little One that no one would break this wall. I was sadly mistaken because Little Blonde did just that. And I'm still trying to figure out how she did this. I mean its not like she has this wonderful history. Her history adds up to using guys and getting rid of them when she's done. She just doesn't have a good track record. Whenever someone tells you that they've cheated on every single person that they have ever dated and her husband except one, you should listen to them. They're telling you something they want you to know. Oh not me. Those of you who know me know exactly what I did when I heard that. I can love her through that, I can fix her, she doesn't have to be that way. Believe me, when someone tells you that they're telling you that for a reason, you need to listen. I wished I would've listened to my own advice.
But back to what makes this breakup so difficult is the mystery. We are together, everything is fine, she has given me her word that she will not leave, and she loves me with all of her heart, and the very next day she's gone. That's the mystery that drives me crazy. How can one human being do that to another human being? I was invested, she'd actually penetrated the wall. And then she can just disappear like nothing ever happened. Someone said one time no matter how flat you make a pancake it always has two sides. This is so true. I'm not making myself out to be an angel in this relationship. In fact, I told her I have made mistakes and I will continue to make mistakes, and so will she. But when we make mistakes, we have to love each other through the mistakes. When something goes wrong you don't turn outside of the relationship. I honestly don't know what it will take to get closure from this except a brief conversation with her so I know where I stand. Is everything she said a lie? Does she love me but it just doesn't work out? I just need some answers that only she can provide.
Well what has happened to me, due to The Compass, which by the way needs to post something so we know you really exist, talked me into doing this blog. Well I didn't realize it at the time but this blog has become my journal. When I first started this blog, I didn't think anybody in the world would read it.
Just a quick side story and I want to share with you. In my office we are using a new program called Daylite. And from time to time, we have to have support for this program. Me and the guy, I'm going to call him Florida, have become pretty good friends over this process. I guess you would make friends if somebody was paying you $100 an hour, too, but anyway he mentioned to me the other day that he was sorry to hear about my breakup. Now keep in mind Florida is completely a support person. I have never met him in person and he is telling me he's sorry about my breakup. I asked him how he knew about that. He said LOW. I asked him how he found out about LOW? He said twitter. So it's so interesting that this little bitty blog has spread literally all over the world. I see my page views and where they come from and it is literally amazing. So my Florida friend says I don't know if I could do what you do and share all of my feelings so publicly. I said what do you mean? Florida said, you don't seem to leave anything out. You tell the whole story. Things that ordinary people I guess would be afraid to tell. Well it really doesn't scare me at all for people to know that I have feelings, and I get happy and I get sad. And I'm not afraid to tell you on this blog what makes me happy and what makes me sad. Someone said one time, people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. But it really was surprising to hear my Florida friend talk about LOW when I've never met him. Florida seems like a cool guy though, he has a wife, one child on the ground, and another one coming. I'm always interested in people who are able to make marriage actually work, so I will be monitoring him closely.
So thinking back over the breakups that really still bother me to this day. This was before I gave everyone nicknames, but we'll just call her the girl that lives in Dallas.
Dallas
That breakup did not bother me, in fact we're friends today. We both mutually decided that we were not meant to date each other. She went her way and I went mine. No Mystery
The M-Word
Then we go to the breakup with The M-Word. That breakup really bothered me at the time because I wanted it to work so badly but there was no way to make it work. And we both knew that. It wasn't like she was ever mean or evil to me. It just wouldn't work. No Mystery
LittleOne
Family got the Little One to breakup. Which I still say to this day is the worst thing I have ever been through in my entire life. If Little One is a 99, then Little Blonde is a 98. The only reason that Little One scores higher than Little Blonde is the time factor and the business factor. We were together three years, and she was totally intermingled with my business. And what makes that breakup still so difficult is the mystery. I still don't know if I'm dealing with a mentally ill person, or I'm dealing with someone who likes to play games and hurt people and be evil. Either way it still hurts today immensely. And what I think makes it hurt so immensely is that I don't know why. I still don't know if any of the things we did or said together were real? I hate that. There were no closing comments, no I hate you's or I love you's. Just one day you're together good to spend your whole life with this person and the next day she's gone.
Little Blonde
This one was awful for a couple of reasons. One of the reasons is because of her daughter which I got extremely close to. The biggest reason is, and I can't believe this as I write it, but I actually fell in love with her. See what she didn't know was I had put my guard up and built a huge wall around myself ever since Little One. I'm not listing everyone I've dated here, I'm just listing those that made a difference. And there were two or three people who in fact I dated for a decent length of time between Little One and Little Blonde. But all of them could see this huge wall that I put up. I had decided ever since Little One that no one would break this wall. I was sadly mistaken because Little Blonde did just that. And I'm still trying to figure out how she did this. I mean its not like she has this wonderful history. Her history adds up to using guys and getting rid of them when she's done. She just doesn't have a good track record. Whenever someone tells you that they've cheated on every single person that they have ever dated and her husband except one, you should listen to them. They're telling you something they want you to know. Oh not me. Those of you who know me know exactly what I did when I heard that. I can love her through that, I can fix her, she doesn't have to be that way. Believe me, when someone tells you that they're telling you that for a reason, you need to listen. I wished I would've listened to my own advice.
But back to what makes this breakup so difficult is the mystery. We are together, everything is fine, she has given me her word that she will not leave, and she loves me with all of her heart, and the very next day she's gone. That's the mystery that drives me crazy. How can one human being do that to another human being? I was invested, she'd actually penetrated the wall. And then she can just disappear like nothing ever happened. Someone said one time no matter how flat you make a pancake it always has two sides. This is so true. I'm not making myself out to be an angel in this relationship. In fact, I told her I have made mistakes and I will continue to make mistakes, and so will she. But when we make mistakes, we have to love each other through the mistakes. When something goes wrong you don't turn outside of the relationship. I honestly don't know what it will take to get closure from this except a brief conversation with her so I know where I stand. Is everything she said a lie? Does she love me but it just doesn't work out? I just need some answers that only she can provide.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Sleep
You know before little blonde I used to wake up four or five times a night and I never did get a good nights rest. I was just thinking about this but whenever I slept with her I never woke up not once I slept the whole night through. I think that had to do with me holding her or her holding me through the night it is a shame I damn shame that you have something like that, something you love with your whole heart, something that you know is just mile and a half away from here and they won't even take her phone call and then three weeks ago I was holding her in bed sleeping all night long. I just don't get it. Maybe she will read this and just call me more crazy but even my two dogs are sad. They know something is not right they just don't know what it is I've never seen him like this maybe she'll have a little compassion upon them. Tucking in for another sleepless night. You know I don't know why I do this up before her I used to turn all the phones off when I went to bed and when I first started dating her that made her mad because she couldn't get me and then from now on I left my phone on at night just in case that 1% chance that she might call I at least want to hear it and answer it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
This no sleep thing is bad.
And I know she going to bed at 8:30. Unless there is a guy there, and I sure she has already replaced me. Was it all a lie?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The love of my life/closure - PLEASE NEED HELP!
As all of you know, I've had a really difficult time getting over Little Blonde and Littlest Blonde. Look at the photos below and I think you would have a hard time getting over them as well. These photos were taken at the zoo and Tucson, Arizona.
I have been very fortunate to receive some closure in some non-traditional ways. But I still must say that there is no way in the world that you can share as much as Little Blonde and I did together and her not be able to give me 45 seconds of closure. And I hate to say this, but what a person does tells you what she is? I've done no harm to her or her daughter. I know she's mad at me because I didn't take out the trash. I would love to have just a minimum of a 45 second conversation to offer some closure to myself.
What's worse is she knows how important that is to me and she doesn't care whatsoever. Also I have got all of the text messages, all of the e-mails, saying how much she loves me and no matter what I ever did she would love me unconditionally. What does unconditionally mean in her mind? I've been very careful not to say anything negative about Little Blonde because there isn't very much negative to say. Other than she and her daughter stole my heart completely and kicked me out because I didn't take out the trash. I think I'm owed at least 45 seconds on the phone to get some closure from that.
I'm asking in the very nicest way, I know I'm going to list her e-mail address again, and I am begging you to please e-mail her directly and urge her to give me 45 seconds. I think most of you would agree if you're intimate with someone as much as we were intimate, and she called the school and told him that it was okay if I ever picked up her daughter, things can't change that fast. So I'm asking for some help here and in fact I'll even put her e-mail address and her phone number and you can send her a text message. I hope some of you understand, if not all of you, that you don't go from loving someone intensely every day to just nothing. If I could do that I wouldn't be human. Please help me.
A personal note to Little Blonde: I am not going away. You have found someone thats going to stick with you through the bad and the good even if you choose not to participate. I'm involved now for two reasons. I love The littlest blonde will all of my heart, and I'll love you and I can see the potential in all the good you have inside of you. So either bad or good you finally have come across somebody that's not going to give up on you. This is why it messes with my mind so much. Maybe that's what you want. I don't know, but I don't understand how we can be so close and a week later you will not take my phone calls? I'm sorry I'm not going to give that up until I get an explanation.
I know that you loved me, and I know that you love me. And I know that you know I'd love and love you. I think I just got too close and you got scared. Which is fine, but that's what I need to hear. Little Blonde, you know me very well. It could be a week from now or it could be this time seven years from now and I will not give up. I believe the definition of commitment is doing the thing you said you would do long after the feeling you said it in has left you.
One more for you. What a person is will either promote them or expose them. Think about that, time will either promote you or expose you. I guess you can be held up in your house or the Iron Horse for the next couple years and lead a life, notice I didn't call it a happy life. You know another good question is why haven't you had a serious relationship in nine years?
I'm going to end it with this, there was someone who left a comment on one of the previous posts that said Little Blonde got divorced in '07, this is true. But then she had to get divorced again because she went back to the guy and it was counted as a common law marriage so that's where I came up with my '09???
I have been very fortunate to receive some closure in some non-traditional ways. But I still must say that there is no way in the world that you can share as much as Little Blonde and I did together and her not be able to give me 45 seconds of closure. And I hate to say this, but what a person does tells you what she is? I've done no harm to her or her daughter. I know she's mad at me because I didn't take out the trash. I would love to have just a minimum of a 45 second conversation to offer some closure to myself.
What's worse is she knows how important that is to me and she doesn't care whatsoever. Also I have got all of the text messages, all of the e-mails, saying how much she loves me and no matter what I ever did she would love me unconditionally. What does unconditionally mean in her mind? I've been very careful not to say anything negative about Little Blonde because there isn't very much negative to say. Other than she and her daughter stole my heart completely and kicked me out because I didn't take out the trash. I think I'm owed at least 45 seconds on the phone to get some closure from that.
I'm asking in the very nicest way, I know I'm going to list her e-mail address again, and I am begging you to please e-mail her directly and urge her to give me 45 seconds. I think most of you would agree if you're intimate with someone as much as we were intimate, and she called the school and told him that it was okay if I ever picked up her daughter, things can't change that fast. So I'm asking for some help here and in fact I'll even put her e-mail address and her phone number and you can send her a text message. I hope some of you understand, if not all of you, that you don't go from loving someone intensely every day to just nothing. If I could do that I wouldn't be human. Please help me.
A personal note to Little Blonde: I am not going away. You have found someone thats going to stick with you through the bad and the good even if you choose not to participate. I'm involved now for two reasons. I love The littlest blonde will all of my heart, and I'll love you and I can see the potential in all the good you have inside of you. So either bad or good you finally have come across somebody that's not going to give up on you. This is why it messes with my mind so much. Maybe that's what you want. I don't know, but I don't understand how we can be so close and a week later you will not take my phone calls? I'm sorry I'm not going to give that up until I get an explanation.
I know that you loved me, and I know that you love me. And I know that you know I'd love and love you. I think I just got too close and you got scared. Which is fine, but that's what I need to hear. Little Blonde, you know me very well. It could be a week from now or it could be this time seven years from now and I will not give up. I believe the definition of commitment is doing the thing you said you would do long after the feeling you said it in has left you.
One more for you. What a person is will either promote them or expose them. Think about that, time will either promote you or expose you. I guess you can be held up in your house or the Iron Horse for the next couple years and lead a life, notice I didn't call it a happy life. You know another good question is why haven't you had a serious relationship in nine years?
I'm going to end it with this, there was someone who left a comment on one of the previous posts that said Little Blonde got divorced in '07, this is true. But then she had to get divorced again because she went back to the guy and it was counted as a common law marriage so that's where I came up with my '09???
No Sleep
I wonder how (little blonde) just threw me away like a piece of trash?? She did it so easy, It makes me wonder how often she has done this before?? Was it all a lie?? Was there any part that was true?
If she reads this I still love you and the littlest blonde!
If she reads this I still love you and the littlest blonde!
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