Three years ago today, about 2pm my perfect little world fell apart. A week or two before we (Littleone and I) were in Atlantis for 4 or 5 days. So its July 4th 2005 about 2pm and we have not seen or talked to each other in a few days. Things have not been good for a long time. I can't really even say what it is but something is not right. So I go to her house, she is not home so I let myself in. I called her to come over so we could talk. I had been missing her alot and want to figure out what the deal is. I remember people asking me (over the 2 or 3 years we were dating) if I had ever cheated on her and did I think she would ever cheat on me? I said no I would never do that to her, and I can still say I have never cheated on any girlfriend. Also I told my friends that I did not think she would ever cheat on me. In fact I remember telling my friends that out of all the girls I had dated she was the most honest, loving, trustworthy, integrity filled, caring, passionate and nurturing girl I had ever known. I was WAY WAY OFF.
I had been tipped off that she in fact was cheating! I really did not believe it so that's why I went over to her house and wanted to ask her face to face. She said in fact she had cheated. And she said it in such a way that it was like no big deal. Like she had just ordered lunch or something. She had NO remorse. Like NONE. In fact she was mad at me for finding out! She never had one tear. It was literally like I was looking and talking to a completely different person.
** OK Break** What is cheating?? DOING ANYTHING WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU WOULD NOT DO IF YOUR PARTNER WAS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. To me that is the test, would you do it if your partner was standing right there with you?? If you would not do it if your partner was there, then you should not be doing it at all. If you are in a relationship then both of you should be open books. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. How would you act if your partner was right there with you.(act, talk, look, dress, tone of voice) I love it when people say "It just happened" or "I did not plan it". So like in her case, her lips just accidentally touched his lips?? She did not plan it I am sure. That is a load of CRAP! You know why I have never cheated? Because I never put myself in a situation were I could cheat. I always ask myself "Would I do this if my GIRLFRIEND was standing right here with me?" To me that's so easy. OK I had to go on a little terror. Please leave any comments you might have on cheating.
So from that day I never could get to the littleone that I knew. Of course I got the
a. I am being my real self now
b. I changed myself for you
c. I need to find myself
d. I need some time
e. I have been living your life not mine. I need to find mine.
f. I gave up my friends for yours and I need to find them back.
on, and on, and on
Well guess what, I am sure some of that is true. But think about it. Doesn't everyone say those things at the end?? No matter how flat you make a pancake, it always as two sides. I would give anything if I could go back and change some of the things I did. The one thing I know for sure is alot of the things I did, I did not do consciously. I mean I did not set out to hurt her. She did things fully aware and on purpose to hurt me. It's like she wanted to kill my insides. You don't tell someone you love them and want to be with them forever then sleep with someone else the SAME NIGHT.