The List (in Blue Updated)

2. Littleone - Perplexing - This story could fill up a book. And I just might write one someday. We met in July of 2003. I am not sure of the day, but from the day we met we were together almost all the time. The last time I saw her was December of 2006, not sure of the day. I think it is weird to spend that much time with someone and then never see them again.

(update) Well, the wait is over. Saw her for the first time in 2+ years on May 12, 2008. Slowly I am able to write about her. I would say that she was one of my first "real true" loves. I used to tell her if we ever broke up that I did not think I would date again for a really long time and she did not believe me. She said I would move on fast. Well, I wish she would have been right. I have dated a little here and there but even after all this time I still feel very hurt and betrayed. I have major trust issues. Still to this day I am not sure who I really dated or who I was in love with or how much of our relationship was real. People tell me I don't really miss our relationship I miss the relationship I thought we had. Well maybe that is true, but I really miss something. I miss the dynamites we had. We did everything together and I am not sure I will ever let someone in that far again.

 (Updated 11-27-09)  I was just rereading what I've written about her in the past. The part about how I used to tell her "if we broke up I did not think I would date anyone for a really long time." Let me be the first to say I was not intentionally trying to prove myself right. Make no mistake about it, I love being right and all,  but this is getting to be ridiculous. So, this Christmas which will be Christmas 09 makes it four years that we've been apart. In some ways that seems like 45 years. It seems so long ago that any of that happened. It actually seems like it happened in an entirely different lifetime. But in another way it seems like this last four years will have seemed like 45 years. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you but it makes sense to me. 

I just want so badly for it all to be over. I just do not want the next four years to be like the last four years at all. Yes I know I'm the only one that can change it and believe me if I knew how I would in a heartbeat. Actually, when I think about it  I don't want the next years to be like any of the past years. I will talk more about this at the end. More to come.......