Talking in circles? The List (12-2-09)

Okay I'm going to do this blog post with an active conscious attempt not to talk in circles. As many of you know, I prefer to talk and I hate to type so I have this nifty little device that lets me just talk and then it types what I say. And then I have a nifty friend, very good friend that goes back and edits these posts because this little nifty talking device is not perfect.

(Lets finish up The M-Word subject. Well 50% of me does talk in circles and makes absolutely no sense the other 50% well is, her. She talks in circles and it makes absolutely no sense.)

So I think I will take this time and update the list.
BTW  LOW is going to roll this out slowly.

The List (in Blue Updated 12-2-09)

My list of the people that have affected me the most(In no order). I am going to add to this from time to time. Who are the people that have affected you? Why? How?

1. My dad - Smart - My dad and I have had an interesting relationship. As most of you know, he is an alcoholic. He has been sober 9 consecutive months of my life. So as you can image, it is sort of difficult to describe our relationship. (Updated 12-2-09)  Well this relationship in my life like many of the others has steadily declined. Believe it or not in the last 5 to 9 years my dad and I have had what I would call one of the best parts of our relationship. He no longer lives with me, but he comes out every morning to feed his cat, fish and just kind of look around. It is in these few minutes when he is the most sober and we have had some of the best talks. And when I say best talks I don't mean about anything in particular, it can be about the weather or the newest song on the radio by Brooks & Dunn.  But I would say in the last 10 months or so, this relationship has taken a nose dive. What's really bad is I really can't even blame it on him.

It has to do a lot more with me. And it's not like I'm going to say something here that the people who read this blog can't already tell. But in the last 10 months or so my mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological health has been steadily declining. Not sure why, nothing happened in particular 10 months or so ago. When I talk to a few people I trust about it, it's like they totally don't get it. I tried to explain to them that it's like getting the flu, you don't want to get the flu, you don't even know how you got the flu, but your health steadily declines, and every day you feel worse and worse.

Well that's exactly how I have been except with the flu it only lasts so long and you eventually start to feel better. Or if you don't you go to the doctor, or another doctor, or another doctor, or somewhere you think someone can help you. Eventually you do start to feel better. Every day you start to feel more and more like your old self. That is not happening for me yet. I've gone to many doctors, many spiritual advisers, many places I thought  I could get treatment. But so far I'm still in the nose dive. So sad to say but this has affected my relationship with my dad. I don't see him very often at all, and when I do it seems like he's, well let's say uncomfortable around me and wants to leave as soon as possible which he does.
More to come.......