Re Post

I found this blog post and I thought I would re post it. I am still having a hard time with this. The comment is great!

Here is a little back story.

Here is a little back story.
Littleone was very into school. She was obsessed with getting her degree. She was going to be the first one in her family to get a degree. It was a BIG DEAL for her. Also her mom and dad divorced . She was VERY CLOSE to her mother. I am telling this so you will understand this little story.

Part 1: I remember it like it was yesterday. I was going to work at the OU stadium for the weekend. I told littleone I was going to try to leave after she got off work.(Red Lobster) Well, I did not try very hard and I left without her. She called me after work and asked where I was. I told her I had already left. She sounded like I had literally broken her heart. I felt really bad. Really bad. She quit her job shortly after that. She said she wanted to be able to travel with me, which she did. We began going everywhere together. Then the BIG shock. The next fall (football season) she announced she was taking a semester of school off to be able to go/help with all my stadiums. I could not believe she would do that for me.(us)

Part 2:Littleone was very close to her mother. Long long story but littleone and her mother and I got crossed up. She told her mother that she loved me and was going to be with me and if that meant they would not talk or see each other then so be it. WOW! It quickly worked it self out, but I could not believe how strong she was.
And she was just 19!!

Part 3: I blame myself for alot that happened with littleone. When I first met her I was just getting out of a relationship with the M-word. I was not looking to date anyone. A friend and I went out to eat and littleone was our waitress. I thought she was cute but honestly I thought if anything she would be a rebound kind of thing. Just because I was still healing up from my breakup. Well needless to say she was way more that a rebound. More on all that later.

Part 4: I was so mean and thoughtless with littleone, hoping she would go away and maybe the M-word would come back and love me the way littleone was loving me. Then once I figured out that the M-word was a dead-end road, I did not want her back anyway, but it was to late with littleone. I had pushed her so far away and I HATE myself for that. I still blame and hate, hate, hate myself for that. I can see what I did so clearly now but I did not see it at all then. I wish someone would have hit me over the head and said look what your doing.

Next Part:
To me, the bad far out weighs any good I got out of
dating both the M-word and littleone. When I think about it, I am sure they feel the same way about me. I mean really, what did we walk away
with? The M-word loves the quote "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"
Well I think that is crap!!


Anonymous said...
It seems that the relationship with Littleone was truely bitter sweet for both of you. She loved and gave until she reached the point that she could not give any more. Unfortunately when she reached that point you realized what you had and it was already too late with her. Holding on so strong to someone from your past will doom any relationship. I'm sure Littleone felt like she was competing with a ghost (which is a losing battle) and that is why she gave up on you. There isn't a doubt in my mind that she loved you but, as you said, you pushed her away. As you know, one can only take so much before they have to look out for number one.We never really know what we have in a partner or relationship until it is gone or, in your case, until they let go and quit trying. This realization is what hurts and lingers the most. While time does heal all wounds, matters of the heart last until you forgive yourself and the other person. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason. One day, whether its next month or in 8 years, you will be able to look back on your relationship with her and find the reason. Maybe it was something as simple as learning to let go or something much more complex that noone else can see. Either way it was not a wasted relationship. Yes, you got your heart broken and are still recovering from it but you will make it to the point you can let someone in and love and trust again. Driver