e-mail # 2

She e-mails back
Ur right!
Love you!

What r u doing writing back at 9:45P? Ur bed time is 830pm?

What do u mean ur right? Remember me telling u we can't let this to far away. Time rolls by.  
 You and I were always different in that area I was always the one that was let's do it now let's do it yesterday. You were always someday  lets do it  someday and you never really got in a schedule. And the reason I was the way I was just cause I didn't want to miss anything with you I wanted to enjoy every single part of my life with you.You may not care about any of this. But I loved you and I still love you 120% and would do anything absolutely anything to make it work. I love Littlest Blonde 120%  But you may just want to go and do what you've always done which is after you break up with a boyfriend is going to that cycle of doing the same old thing again over and over again and you're going to keep getting the same results. You deserve better!!!!

She e-mails

I don't know what u mean, I keep finding love notes....very sweet, I will miss that a lot. I will take Ur clothes to shipping point per carolyns request, I love u , travel safely! Yay we won our homecoming!!!!!!

....and we asked marees hubby.....be thinks we r both too hyper and need meds!!!! Thanks guys....rockin my b&d uniform today! Yay

I  e-mail back

To your comment that you wrote that says "marees hubby.....be thinks we r both too hyper and need meds!!!! Thanks guys"  will not sure what that means. Number one I am seeing two professionals at your request because I believe that you know what you're talking about, and I am on meds. I stop taking any medication unless it is prescribed to me and not take it exactly as it is prescribed. So I guess well trying to say is what are you asking nonprofessional professional question's? You beg to me and begged me to go get help. I did and I will continue to see their professionals and I have never felt better.  What about your in deal?  And then this comment that says "thanks guys"  are mean little long do you really want to be that vanilla with someone that you said you were in love with, and you made love with, and you said  I was the one,  and you wanted me to be your daughter's daddy?  I am already expressed in multiple e-mails  my love for you and my love for The Littlest Blonde.  I am fully willing to leave you alone like this never happened. I need you to get some help, not only for me, for you, and your daughter. It was like I was telling you the other day, we are so fortunate to have everything that  we have. We just have to work a few kinks out of the system. And believe me the relationships has a few kinks in the system. But I'm not you, and you may not be willing to do that. So I'll be as direct as  I know how to be. I love you with all my heart, all of my being, and all of my mind. You never leave my heart, or my mind. I felt like I was making a difference in The Littlest Blonde's life and I love her with all my heart. But  flat out, and direct as I can be, you have been living in chaos for years. And you may want to continue to live in that chaos. I  however cannot live in that chaos. If you choose to go get some help, I will with you whatever it takes to get you better. I will stand behind you 100%. I don't care about any baggage that you have or anything else as long as you're moving in a positive direction  forward. I'm telling you this little blonde from experience. If you don't do anything and nothing will change. You'll be doing the same exact thing next year as you are doing this year, except with one difference, as cara  gets older  he will lose more and more control. They know this is true just think think back to your childhood.

I'm in Tucson right now and every single person from the hotel to the stadium and asked me where my wife wants in my beautiful daughter. And I had to tell them that we broke up. What I don't want to happen is for us both to look back and think we didn't do 100%. And as I said before  you may not want to do 100%. And that's okay well really it's not okay because you gave me the impression that you loved me unconditionally and you would do anything to make this work. But I guess everyone is entitled to change their mind. I would just appreciate it if you would come out and say that and stop saying things like" thanks guys"  that is something you would say to a  friend, or somebody you just had a brief encounter with. Little blonde I'll let met if I'm totally wrong. Maybe I just took this relationship for more serious than you did. And I'm not faulting you for that. You must remember I told you I don't date very often, because what I date I make sure that I really fall in love with the person. I know you don't work like this, because you have many guys that you go out on dates with. Remember in the beginning you had to even call them and tell them that you wouldn't be talking to them because you had a boyfriend. The two guys you had slept with. I guess the theme to what I'm saying is is how is all this working for you? And you may see just fine. But please address our relationship with dignity and respect because that's what it deserves. And every note that you find around  house I meant it when I wrote it and I still mean it today. And you'll probably find more. And you'll probably find more little things that I did around the house that I never mentioned. And I did the little things because I love you. I guess I'm asking you one more time to not discount our relationship. It sounds like to me you were giving up. Which is fine like I said earlier just say that's what you're doing. If you're willing to get some help and you're willing to work, because all good relationships take work, I believe we could have something that no one else has. We would be the envy of all of our friends. I'm not trying to say anything bad about marees  but it's like I said they don't want you to get too happy and they don't want you to get to sad. For the most part your friends want you to stay just about the way they are. That's how they feel most comfortable. Nothing great was ever achieved by staying in your comfort zone. I looked at you as the love of my life. I thought you did to. Maybe I was wrong. But if I was right get out of your comfort zone and do something about it. Don't talk to me about winning homecoming. Trust me in two years you won't be able to tell me if you want homecoming or not. But you will remember all those love notes  I left around your house. And you will remember the impact that I made on her daughter.

I guess I just tried to stay and don't want you to just go on like everything was normal. It hurts my feelings tremendously to think that someone could tell me I am the love of their life, they love me as much as a air, and if something ever happened to me and I wasn't around they just wouldn't go on. Well none of that seems to be true with you. You seem like you're going along just fine. For you it just seems like another breakup which you've had plenty of. I don't want to be just another breakup. Did you fall in love with me? For real did you fall in love with me? Did you mean that when you said you love me as much as you love air? All those things I did with you and your daughter were those things that were just happening in the time,  and they were just fun at the time? I am a unique individual as well as you are. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and so do I. If I did not do that please accept my apology now. But I don't want this to just keep rolling along like nothing ever happened and you were just another girl that I slept with and I had good sex with and then I'll wave at you when I see you driving down the road, unless that is your choice. But changes have to be made. You asked me to make a list I made the list. You asked me to see Dr. ????  I saw Dr. ??????. you asked me to continue to receive counseling of done that and even upgraded doctors. What have you done except talk to marees,  and go see patients day after day which stresses you out, and go to the homecoming football game? It really really bothers me that I don't feel like you take or took our relationship serious. And it also really really bothers me that you're still willing to just let it go. In my own opinion, and it is my opinion you had one of the best things that you've had in a long time. And in my opinion you had one of the best things that you'll ever find. And for that much that goes for me.  I don't just fall in love with just any 100%, and tell them that they're the one, and then there's a bump in the road, and then I just hit the road. But that seems to be what you've done. Once again if that's what you want to do is to continue to run, just please let me know. I learned with my dad that you can't make anybody do anything they don't want to. I so enjoyed having a family, and not just a family but you and The Littlest Blonde specifically has my family. I believe we could do great things together. I believe it takes work, I believe it takes up staying late at night to read the right books, I believe it takes listening to the right CDs or going to the right seminars. Just think about your friends and do the same exact thing. Always look at film in their relationships and see if they're working and then onto exactly opposite of whatever they're doing. It's kind of like Saturday night in San Angelo. I drive around and look at where the most cars are and then I make sure I'm not there. Because I want to be unique and different, I want to have things that they don't have. And this is why and I can admit this I am very low on friends. But I'm not sacrifice my thoughts feelings and beliefs just so I can have friends and go down to their level. 

 Loved having lunch with The Littlest Blonde at school the  other day. On the last night I was there I'm not sure I told you this. But when I came in I went straight to tuck The Littlest Blonde in. She asked me if I could shut the door. She never asked me this. So I said sure so I got up and shut the door, she said the new mommy has a key to your house. I said yes I gave mommy that he and my house, and I have the key to your house and that's okay. She got real serious and said “do you think you can make me a key to your house that way when you and mommy get in a fight I could still come see you” I said of course I will love you and goodnight. It breaks my heart that I wasn't even there the very next morning.

 I've got to go to the airport, this trip hasn't been the same without you two, I miss you too everywhere I go. If you don't want to take our relationship real and serious that's all I would like to know. In my own opinion you don't love someone the way that I love you and The Littlest Blonde and then just walk away casually and act like it was no big deal. In my world you don't make love with someone like we made love and then you just say oh well it didn't work out and move on to the next. I've said this before and now say it again with tears in my eyes you are special, unique, sophisticated, sexy, pretty, cute, smart, and someone I would like to build something with. But I can't and I won't do all the work on my in. It's like I said before I'm not going down with the ship. so if you want to treat our relationship as those it was just some sort of casual encounter, and just another guy you had sex with  so be it. That is not how it was for me. I loved you 100% hundred and 20% with all of my heart, and mind.

 I'm sorry but I've got to go to the airport and I don't have time to edit so it may be a little out of sorts.  But gist that I wanted you to get from this e-mail was all took our relationship very seriously. It takes me a long time to say our love someone and when I say it I mean it. And it hurts my feelings to think that you said it but now he does seem to be willing to let it all go. I happen to believe that there are people on this earth that are meant to be together. I love you with all my heart and again I'm sorry I didn't have time to edit this. But please no more short time a little e-mails that mean nothing. Just don't send me a thing back at all and I'll get the message that you didn't take any of this seriously. And don't send me back some big long excuse of why it didn't work. Why didn't work is because we didn't work at it it's as simple as that. If you would like to write back and tell me what you're willing to do to make that love of your life work than fine. If  I'll understand I'll take your silence as everything you said had no meaning whatsoever. Because it could not have meaning. Because you can not feel that way and then just turn those feelings off like a light switch. And I would also like for you to know because I do think you care this has upset me deeply. And it is affecting me and has affected my job, my life, and my ability to function on a day-to-day basis. Which in my world is completely normal when you lose the love of your life.

I hope you enjoy the notes please tell The Littlest Blonde I love her. And if nothing else I would love to take her out sometime. I'm just asking you how to first back for me, and you know how I get, I don't want to be just another guy you slept with. And if that's what I am and if that's how you're going to treat this relationship, then don't even write back and I'll catch the hint.  And I will know that I got tricked again.

I love you very much