She Flat Out Asked Me To Kill Myself

The other day I showed my little friend a photo of me and the littlest blonde. My little friend said she was so cute. You know you would think someone like me who never ever wanted any kids, and never wanted to date anyone ever ever with kids would not be thinking about my ex-girlfriend's child? But I literally think about the littlest blonde and miss her every day. She wasn't in my life that long but she made such a huge impact. It is an indescribable feeling that I felt when I would see her come around the corner into my office and give me a hug and a kiss and tell me she loved me. Not only do I think that was good for me, because it made me so less selfish. But I know in my heart that it was good for her.  I know she knew and knows how much I love her and care for her.  I would go to the end of the earth to protect her. But in closing for real, writing about her makes me extremely emotional. So let me put that in blunt terms, that's the only subject that really makes me cry. Last thing I promise. Some of you that are on the inside will completely understand what I'm about to say. Next week I have to go to Tucson and work the last game and then stayed and uninstall the stadium. Well little blonde and the littlest blonde were there when I installed the stadium. I have an incredibly difficult time tying people to places. I even have proof of this. Some of you may recall what happened to me the last time I went to Tucson which was the first time I had been back there without them. So in other words the Dallas experience.  I am extremely fearful of going back to Tucson by myself but I simply don't know what else to do.  And little blonde I still think about you and want the very best for you.  And what's very strange is I really mean that. But what's even stranger is little blonde has stated to me and to count was other people that she wished I did not exist any longer. So let me put that in more blunt terms for you, she flat out asked me to kill myself. And she has/and continues to expressed to many other people that she wishes I was dead. So it actually might be a blessing in disguise for her any way that I'm going back to Tucson??