I originally wrote she always seemed like she did not feel well. I just remember very distinctly you walking to and from the teacher's lounge and it literally seemed like every step was killing you. In my opinion you actually didn't show it in the classroom. That is where you actually lit up. It was just the times in between that it seemed like you didn't feel well.
First off, thank you very much for sharing part of your story with me. I kind of have some issues talking about medical things for some reason but I'm going to give it my best shot because of you. When I was a freshman in high school my right jaw started popping and clicking. At first, it didn't hurt; it would just pop and click from time to time. Over time it did become painful. I remember going to the dentist and hearing these three little letters that I had no idea would follow me around for years. TMJ. The dentist made a plastic mouthpiece and told me to wear it at night. That did not help at all. It just progressively got worse. I did it all. I went to multiple dentists, physical therapists, muscle relaxers, tens unit, ultrasound, etc. You name it, I tried.
A few years after I graduated high school I began having pain in the left side of my neck. And also the left side of my jaw would hurt. They told me that the right side of my jaw was actually out of line so the left side was having to compensate for the right. Quickly, I forgot about my jaw because my neck was killing me. It started out slow and just progressively got worse as I tried various treatments. It's no secret that I struggled with depression. Having two alcoholic parents tends to do that to a person. I can remember having days at a time go by where I literally felt as though I could not get out of my bed during my mid-20s. I know that sounds very strange. I didn't say I didn't want to get out of my bed, I said I could NOT get out of my bed physically. I have described it to doctors as feeling as though I am chained to my bed at times and don't have the energy or mental and physical capacity to even see if I could break the chain to get up. I always contributed this to depression.
My dad was committed for alcoholism for the first time when I was in the seventh grade. That year the word depression had been used many times to describe me. Although as time went on I just felt physically worse. Of course, I was told this was just more depression. A few days a year of staying in my bed turned into a few days a month by the time I was in my 30s. I remember so perfectly my psychiatrist saying you just have to make yourself get up and get going and when you do that don't you feel better. The answer was no. The best way to describe it is my entire body just hurts. I have some areas that are much worse than others. For example, my TMJ still flares up from time to time but the left side of my neck and shoulder always hurt. The rest of my body feels like it needs to be oiled or something. I can feel every tiny little joint in my fingers and my toes. As time has gone by it has just gotten worse and worse. I feel like it's a snowball that just keeps spinning out of control and I have tried everything imaginable to stop it or at least to control it but nothing even slows it down.
On July 9, 2013 I decided I had had enough. I was .......
PART 2 Soon