I Hate You--Don't Leave Me

What you will see over the next few weeks is a book review from Dear. Enjoy. Ask questions.

It’s been a while since I have written something. Something new I am trying out is reading a chapter of this book and writing about what I think about each chapter. Considering I have been struggling to figure out what is wrong with me. Well…..thanks to Johnny we have ruled it down to borderline/antisocial personality disorder. I am now educating myself because I am having a difficult time really wrapping my mind around everything. The one thing I identify with the most from the first chapter is something called splitting. It is sort of like black and white thinking in terms of emotions, as if someone could only be good or bad. For example, one could completely and entirely admire someone one day and the next be completely enraged at the same person for the smallest thing. This is done as a defense mechanism. This is where I think I have done this a lot and so you can only guess that having interpersonal relationships is hard because a person like me is able to get close to someone just enough to then decide I am going to self destruct as a means to prove that I don’t know what I am doing. This book is very insightful for me so far. So much to learn and I do want to “feel” normal but not necessarily be normal. Just me. - Dear