Day 9 - Dear

Day 9? No it has not been nine days since Dear left, it has been nine days since Dear has come back. Yes, you read that correctly. About a week ago from yesterday Dear called me and said that she would like to be a part of my counseling session. I meet with my counselor Matthew usually once a week on Mondays. To be totally honest, I was dumbfounded when she called and said she was on her way to my house and wanted to be a part of the session. Nevertheless, I eagerly said that would be great, come on out.

While we were apart I had written her several leafy letters and in one of them I made the comment that maybe she could participate in one of the counseling sessions before she just totally threw me away. She did participate in that session. Which by the way went very well and she hasn't left since. Not only has she not left but she has fully moved herself back in. As you well know she's lived with me many times before but this time she brought so much stuff! I didn't even know she had this much stuff.

Why did I let her move back in? Why am I giving her another chance? Two very good questions. As I'm sure the readers know by now I am very blunt and quick to call things exactly like I see them. That includes myself as well. My initial thoughts on the answers to those questions would be as follows: I am weak. I am used to having chaos in my life. I don't value myself very much therefore I set myself up to be abused. I don't have big enough balls.

One thing that I do have pride in is doing what I say I'm going to do. I have totally let myself down in this area involving Dear. I told her in the very beginning, three years ago, that if she ever cheated on me there would be no second chances.  She would be out. She cheated on me in every way imaginable, she has literally stolen money from me, and emotionally abused me. And I still take her back? What I want to say is that I love her. I do love her. I have always loved her. There's just something very special about her and we've always had a very special and unique......... PART 2 SOON