Day 9 - Dear - Part 2

There's just something very special about her and we've always had a very special and unique connection. But even as I write that I feel like I should actually say there's just something very special about her and I’ve always had a very special and unique connection. I don't feel like she feels the same.  Obviously she wouldn't have left so many times or wouldn't have you done all the things that she's done. 

For the nine days that Dear has been here, they have actually been very good. She has been very sweet and kind to me which I very much appreciate. It's really hard to not let me get my hopes up because each time I have done that in the past it's come back to bite me.

The One thing I really wish I had is the feeling I had for about the first year that I knew her. I felt like she was very interested in me and she was pursuing me. I felt like I was on top of the world actually. It lasted well beyond the "honeymoon." She has a unique ability to make men feel, I guess, manly would be the best word? She even admits to being able to manipulate men into feeling this way. She can make us feel powerful, attractive, sexy, in charge, and overall awesome. She says she can't give me that right now because that would not be authentic. She admits to doing that with other guys as recently as a month or so ago but she says that was not authentic. She wants everything to be authentic with me this time. I guess all I can say is I'm here.