Unhappy Holidays Again - Part 4

Dear told me that she did ask Neil about me coming in with her and Neil said he thought that was not a good idea at all. I wonder why that could be?? Let's look at another text between those two. Let's be fair. Maybe that last text exchange was taken out of context.

Dear to Neil:  What you said in our session yesterday has really stuck with me when you said that being threatened is not being loved. Which, to me, begs the question that cheating is not being loved either?? I guess what I am trying to say is I almost feel like I deserve whatever it is that he throws at me because I have caused so much hurt. Yet my mind tells me that I don't want to be that way.

 Neil to Dear:  Those are very important discriminations and really point to what strikes me as major truths for you and your relationships, well done.

Dear to Neil: So does that mean that because I cheated I don't love him??

Neil to Dear: It's likely more complicated than that but it does beg the question about how you act out your frustration and anger.

Dear to Neil: thank you Neil.

Neil to Dear: Welcome.

That little exchange took place in the middle of the afternoon. Does he not have patients to see? Don't worry, Dear texted him again that night at almost 11 o'clock at night.

Dear to Neil: I don't know how much more I can take. I'm so tired and I just want to be normal and not broken.

Neil to Dear: You are in a tough place, no doubt. This is one of the times most of us face that tests us and usually there is a potential life changing fork in the road present. The worst of the feelings will pass. In terms of being alone it can feel like a kind of withdrawal from addiction. Hang in best you can. I am pulling for you.

Dear to Neil: Have a good Thanksgiving.

Neil to Dear: Thank you, I wish for a bright spot for you as well.

Okay I have to just be me and say what in the hell is going on? What, if anything, is appropriate about that? Is it not plainly obvious that she's not going to him to work on feelings and issues that she's had for a long time before me and that have nothing to do with me? Does it not appear that that's all they talk about is me and if you read between the lines he's saying if you get rid of Johnny I think things would be better for you. I have known this girl and loved this girl for three years. She has done some of the most hurtful things that I've ever been through in my entire life. I have done my very best to love her through it because I love her with all of my heart and I think she is something very special. Yet she starts seeing an older male counselor for a month and she would throw me away with the trash?

I said I would tell all of you what happened and how and why she moved out this time so here it is. I gave her two months to build back trust on the little things. She didn't do it. It's not like she didn't do some of it, she didn't do any of it. For example, I have a very difficult time sleeping and she knows this. When she was going after her best friend's boyfriend she would get up at 6 AM and go running. She lost a lot of weight and she looked incredible. I don't think she's fat now and I think she still looks incredible now. Back then she was toned up and sexy as hell. Little did I know it was because she was trying to sleep with her best friend's boyfriend.

She still gets up at 6 AM, the only problem is 90% of the time she just goes in the other room and goes back to bed. She didn't do that one time when she was running and getting in shape for him. I asked her, "Dear if you don't want to go running that's fine with me, no problem. So, please then don't set your alarm for 6 AM and wake me up for no reason. Just stay sleeping." Makes sense to me. She promised me she would not do that. She said it was very disrespectful and especially knowing that I have a difficult time sleeping that wasn't nice of her to do. Within the first two weeks of her being here she got up at 6 AM. I got up to go to the bathroom and went to the kitchen to get some water. She's snuggled up on the couch sleeping! I woke her up and I was not happy. She assured me it would not happen again. I assured her that she doesn't have to get up at 6 AM. She doesn't have to go running. She can do whatever she wants to do. She did it again and again and again. She even confessed that she would get at 6 AM, put on her running clothes, go outside and then get in one of the vehicles outside and sleep there.

All of this upset me but it also hurt me. It's not that it's just a pain for me to wake up at 6 AM. One, I don't have to get up early because I'm dealing with some medical issues and I need to get some good quality sleep and that's challenging for me. And her knowing all of that information and yet still she cannot stop lying to me. Here's what I mean by that. This is the part that is so hurtful. All the mornings that I didn't tell her that I knew she went back to bed. I would go to the kitchen and see her sleeping on the couch and just let her sleep and I would go back to bed. Then sometimes about 8:00 or 8:30 she would come into the bedroom and have breakfast for me. I would say, "Thanks Dear. You didn't have to do that but I really appreciate it." She would say, "No problem. I wanted to do it for you. May I eat breakfast with you?" I would say yes. As we were eating breakfast I would ask how her run went that morning. Keep in mind, I know that she didn't go running and she was sleeping in the other room. She would respond, "Oh, it was pretty hard. Only did 2 miles, hopefully tomorrow I can do four miles."

I cannot even tell you how many times she would tell me these inventive stories about things she saw on her run or just things that happened while she was running when I knew for fact she wasn't running at all.

At the end of the eight weeks when I could see she was not holding up her end of the bargain, I reminded her when she moved in that I would not allow things to get like they were before. Where basically she was just running all over me and I would just let her. I told her that I had to see some actions and she agreed. I asked her to come up with a plan of how she could financially contribute to our household. She was working and all of her housing, internet, food and laundry was being provided for her. An almost new car and insurance and all of that was being provided for her. I just wanted her to write down what she thought was fair that she could contribute financially to the household. Initially, I was willing to provide all of those things to make it as easy on her as I could for her to work on her illness, get herself together, and start building trust between us. When I saw that that wasn't being done I felt like it was only fair for her to contribute to the household. It's not free to live. She told me she would write down what she thought was fair and give it to me within two days. After the two days I asked for it and she said she just hadn't got to it. I told her I'd given her a chance to do it so I'll do it. I wrote it down and broke it out into car and food and different categories. The total was $575. As I told her, anyone knows that paying $575, I am not.....Part 5 Soon