Dear, Dear, Dear ????

A few updates for today. When Dear left she took one of my cell phones, which was fine because I didn't think we were breaking up. Now, it's very apparent that she's not interested in me, so I moved that cellphone number back over to an extra phone I had around here. Turns out when I did that all of her texts and calls seem to move with it. Keep in mind she's been gone three weeks from last Tuesday. Let's just take these updates a bite at a time okay? One last thing before we get into it. All of you may not fully understand what I'm talking about. Don't worry you're not crazy, Dear will understand what I'm saying even if everyone else doesn't.

If you will remember through a podcast and a blog post I very so slightly mention that I was just going to throw all of her things away so she could have a fresh start. Today when I moved the phone over I texted one of her roommates and the roommate thought it was still dear. Here's how it started

  • Dear: hey I wanted to see what you're doing later?
  • Roommate: we're going to the bar at nine but other than that nothing LOL
  • Dear: can I go?
  • Roommate yeah!! I thought you wanted to go!?!
  • Dear: why did you think that?
  • Roommate: LOL because I asked you already!

Okay let's stop right there for second. Dear is not a bar person. As far as I know,  she's never even been to a bar, and also according to her she does not drink at all. There's something I firmly believe in called the laws of association. It goes something like this: If you hang out with people that go to more football games then baseball games, chances are excellent you will do the same, even if you prefer baseball. Have you ever hung around with someone that curses a lot and then you start cursing a lot? That's the law of association. You become the average of the five people you associate with the most. Dear and I have talked about this many times and she said that really makes sense to her. She said that would mean she would really have to guard who she was around if she didn't want to be like the people she's hanging around with. Sounds like to me in three weeks they already have her going to the bar. Why do young girls go to a bar? They go to get picked up hello!.

Next, Keep in mind the roommate still thinks it's dear.

  • Dear: my boyfriend called me and wants to talk. what do you think I should do?
  • Roommate: don't talk to him
  • Roommate: Ignore him
  • Roommate: Think about what he just did to all your stuff that's an abusive relationship Maria
  • Dear: I know but it's just stuff. and I have hurt him so many times?
  • Roommate: no think about how he hurt you! Maria don't do it he's crazy and I'm scared he will hurt you for real you shouldn't go back to that relationship

Okay let's stop here again. I have never met her roommate. I have never talk to her roommate. I have had zero interaction with her roommate. Anything the roommate would know about me Dear would've had to tell her. Dear never used to talk about our relationship with strangers.  Have you ever noticed when you talk about your relationship with your friends they tend to kind of be negative about your partner. A lot of the times they do this out of jealousy, frankly. Her roommate and her are roughly the same age I believe, But that's where the similarities end. The roommate is, shall we just say, in a different class then Dear always said she wanted to be in. The roommate is living with three or four other girls in a cramped older house and the highlight of her month is when she gets to go to the bar. Dear however for the last three three years and 3 months has been living in a nice large house and has had a practically new car provided for her to drive free of charge. She's gone on lavish trips and concerts. I told dear I've had this philosophy for my entire life. On Friday and Saturday nights I always drive around and see where the most cars are and make sure I'm not there. I don't want to be like the 95% I want to be in the 5%. Dear always said she agreed and that's what she wanted as well. Also anyone that has known me for any period of time knows that I am anything but physical. I may be a lot of things: controlling, Inpatient, want things my way, but getting physical with her is just not one of those things. I was always taught that you never put your hands on a woman in anger.

I did let the roommate know that it was me texting her and not Dear. I let the roommate know the brief history between us and that the last thing that Dear should be doing, especially with the medication she's taking, is drinking alcohol.

Dear I have something to admit. You have always contended that you love me more then you've ever loved anyone else. You have always told me that you want to spend the rest of your life with me no matter what. You have told me many times that you are willing to do what ever it takes to make things up to me. I wanted for over three years to believe that so badly. It seems like other people can see that it's not true but I can't seem to see it. I did a little test. This little test was when I ever so slightly alluded to getting rid of your things. I had several thoughts behind this.

  • You have told me many times that you would just like a fresh start. I felt like when you came back I could provide you with that fresh start. I did not want you to have to wear anything that reminded you of the bad decisions you had made. And to be 100% honest I didn't want you to wear anything that reminded me of the bad decisions you had made..
  • I felt like at the end of the day they are just material items. It's shoes and shirts and socks. Material items that can be easily replaced.
  • If someone really did love me more than anything else, really did want to spend the rest of her life with me, and also promise that nothing would ever come between us, then there's no way you would give up on us because I threw away some material items. Truth be known is I didn't throw them away. I just dangled that little bit of information out there to see if I could gather the truth for myself. Because if you would drop me after three three years and 3 months over a couple of skirts and shoes and pants then we really didn't have much a relationship at all.

But that's exactly what you did. That's one of the first things the roommate said "Think about what he just did to all your stuff that's an abusive relationship Maria" which leads me to my next point. We always agreed that if there was a problem in our relationship we would not turn outside of the relationship, we would turn inside. Many times when people are having problems in their relationship they go and talk to their friends, coworkers, and all sorts of people except their significant other? Remember our agreement we made a long time ago that we would not turn outside of the relationship, rather we would turn inside the relationship to each other? Well it's obvious you've done anything but that. Let me provide a little more back story, please. Here is another text exchange from the roommate and what she thought was Dear.

  • Roommate: no think about how he hurt you! Maria don't do it he's crazy and I'm scared he will hurt you for real you shouldn't go back to that relationship.
  • Dear: he's never been physical with me ever. I'm the one who cheated on him and then wasn't sorry for it. He just wants to talk? You think it's better to go to the bar rather than to talk to him after I've been with him three years?
  • Roommate: well if you choose talk talk to him just do it at our house so we can make sure you're okay. I honestly think you shouldn't get back with him considering everything you told me he's done. You didn't cheat on him, y'all were broken up. Don't let him manipulate you. That's still mental abuse.

Once again dear is not being honest, which she said she would be. Even if you go back and listen to our counseling sessions that we turned into a podcast, you hear her admit that she cheated on me. You will hear her admit that she hasn't done much to repair it. But let's forget about that for second. Really Dear? You're telling your friends that you never cheated on me? That's not what you told me? So either you're lying to me or you're lying to them? Which one is it? Would you leave your answer in the comments?

It's very apparent to me Dear what type of girl you've decided you want to be, and in only three weeks. You decided you wanted nothing to do with me all of a sudden because I threw away some shoes and shirts? That's true love. I counted it up today because I was furious. And it really has been three three years and 3 months. If you wanted to go by the January date it would be just under three years. I guess we really didn't have anything special all along. You're just like the 95%. 21 years old, no education, working at a dry cleaners, and going to the bars at night. I hope I don't send the wrong signal. You will definitely find a guy that way. You're in the majority, the 95% not the minority, the 5%. Remember Dear when we used to talk about your sisters? I always thought that it was just weird that your oldest sister has no education, has two children by two different guys, and is working on the third. Your second oldest sister according to you, is living with a drug dealer. And we do know that it's factual because he has a fairly lengthy record. Just months ago, when you went to visit her, you told me that your sister was having to do the drug deals because he was on probation and could not get caught again. And then you told me that you actually helped them with a drug deal while you were there. I remember saying to you: What in the hell are you thinking? You've been with numerous married men, you said it makes you feel powerful, in your own words, to have sex with them and your girlfriends boyfriends, and when you had every opportunity under the sun to change you've taken a pass.

Don't get me wrong, please. I am by no means perfect. I have many many faults.  But let me tell you what I do have. I do have a conscience, integrity, Empathy, and a lot of love to give the right special girl. I'm so sorry and wish that you were that girl. Now there's no doubt that you're not. Enjoy your night at the Southern Sky. It sounds very sophisticated and quite.unique.