Why Am I Not Good Enough? Part 4

I literally remember thinking that just can't be true. Maybe if she was older and already had a couple of kids and a disease or two I would get it. I know someone that is basically the older version of Dear. They're the same ethnicity and they were raised in a very similar environment. We are going to call this person Susie. Susie knows Dear through me. Suzy told me about a year ago that Dear reminded her so much of herself. Susie told me she just wished that she was young again and could go back and change her choices. Susie has two kids by two different guys. Susie is in her 40s, has no education to speak of and it was very brave of Susie to confess to me some of the things she did. Susie said she was just like Dear when she was younger. She slept around, she did things that she knew she shouldn't have been doing but she didn't think it was that big of a deal at the time. Susie said she just wished Dear could see that she actually has someone that believes in her. She has someone that really loves her for her not just what I can get from her. And I sure don't love her just as a piece of meat. Susie also said more than likely by the time Dear figures that out it will be too late, if she ever does figure it out.

I know I said I was wrapping it up but things keep coming to me. When Dear moved back again, randomly one day she told me that she never loved me as much as I have loved her. I thought that was such a random thing to say out of the blue. She said the reason she told me was because she had made a deal with me that if she remembered anything she hadn't told me that she would tell me whenever she remembered them. She also asked me if I remembered standing behind her with my arms around her when we were at a concert and they were singing a love song. I remembered that exact moment. She said I could just feel the love that you had for me at that moment but I didn't have the love for you and I just wanted you to know that. She told me those two things rather quickly after she moved back again.

Why would she move back in with me? She told me that she had worked so hard trying to have sex with her best friend's boyfriend. She worked on him for nine months before I found out. She lost 20 pounds, she was working out six days a week, she was so toned up everywhere. She bought all kinds of new super sexy clothes. I've always thought she was super beautiful and sexy, but let me tell you during those nine months she was amazingly beautiful and sexy. Every time she was going to "school" she would dress up in little skirts and high heels. Her makeup was done flawlessly. Her hair was amazing. Sometimes she would curl it and I loved it that way. But anything she did to it it looked great. During those nine months she constantly told me she was doing all of that for me. I don't know if it's just me or if it's a guy thing but that made me feel like a million bucks. I had this super hot girlfriend that was just working on getting hotter and hotter for me. There's nothing I wouldn't have done for her. I remember getting her little notes, cards, flowers, and all sorts of little things just randomly because I wanted to show her how happy I was and I wanted her to be happy.  She was so sweet and kind and loving to me. There's nothing she wouldn't do to make me happy. She made me feel like I was number one and the most important person in the world to her.

I really thought I had found the girl. The girl I wanted to spend my life with. On top of all of that we had so much fun together. I really enjoy being around her. And then things started not adding up at all. I finally confronted her and she told me that she really was doing all of those things to try to get this guy to have sex with her. I asked her if it was all about just trying to get him to have sex with her. She wasn't going to leave me and have a relationship with him? She said no. She just wanted him to choose her over his girlfriend. And as soon as she knew that she had him then she wouldn't want him anymore. She said that it would make her feel powerful, beautiful, and worthy knowing that he would choose her over his girlfriend. I asked her if you she would've gotten that done would she have told me? She said she wouldn't have told me right away but yes she would've told me. She was sabotaging our relationship because she felt like she wasn't good enough for me. 

To me there's two ways to look...... Part 5 Soon