Why Am I Not Good Enough? Part 5

To me there's two ways to look and deal with the mess she's in if I were her. The easy way or the hard way. The hard way would be to keep doing what she's doing which is causing other people tremendous amount of hurt and causing herself hurt. It also reaffirms to herself that she's no good and she's a bad person. You would also throw in some counseling convincing yourself that would be the way to go. You might even go as far as seeing a psychiatrist and getting some medication all the while trying to figure out why you're the way you are. But make no mistake about it, while all this is going on you will still be sleeping around and hurting people and reaffirming that you're nothing but trash. You will be gaining weight and that would reaffirm that you're not pretty or sexy. You will go for the guys that aren't going anywhere. Because once again you think that's all you can get and all that you deserve.

And then there's the easy way. The easy way would be to understand you are a child of God and God doesn't make mistakes. You were put here for a reason. You are in important. You were very important to me. I remember when I was about 16 and I met one of my mentors Jeff Olson. He said something I've never forgotten. He said if you decide what kind of person you want to be and set high goals and expectations for yourself then you will be successful. And being successful can be defined many ways but let's say it takes you 10 years to become successful. That may seem like a long time but to be a failure it takes the rest of your life. Seriously Dear think about it for minute. To be a girl and keep doing the types of things you're doing will take the rest of your life. I was so fortunate to find someone when I was younger that believed in me more than I believe in myself. I really locked onto that and used that to my advantage. Dear I think you'll be hard pressed to find someone that will believe in you as much as I have. I know for a fact that all of those things you tell yourself are simply not true. You can spend the rest of your life doing those things and trying to figure out why you do those things or you could just stop and let someone love you and cherish you. You keep upping the ante so to speak. You keep doing worse things then you did before. The bad pile just keeps getting higher and higher to where you will soon be like your sisters and other people you know that finally just give up because they're smothered underneath all of the pain and heartache that they have created. Then the really silly part is you still won't know why.

Dear when you moved back in remember I would say just treat me the way you used to treat me when you were nice to me. You would say I can't because I'm dealing with so many emotions right now. You know as well as I know that was basically your stock answer for everything. I'm just real emotional right now. You would tell me I was being mean to you. All kinds of things that I've never heard you say before and you would act in ways that I've never seen you act before.

Remember when you decided you were going to move out in a week. You were a completely different person for those seven days. Dear you were so kind, sweet, and fun to be around again. You made it a point to dress up and wear things you knew I liked. You even took me on a date. You worked extra hard cleaning the house because you knew you were leaving. The last time you bought groceries you did not buy the normal kind of groceries you usually buy. You bought the kind of groceries that I would actually fix for myself. Granted they're not as good for me or don't taste near as well as what you cooked but you took the time to find things you knew I would actually prepare for myself. Yes I noticed all of those little things. That week was a blissful week.

What's my point? I don't know if that was legitimate or not but the fact is you did it. You were kind, you were sweet, and you were loving. You were very sexy and you were a lot of fun. So see it can be done. The easy way is you act as if you are that way until you actually become that way. I've done it myself I know that it works. The easy way is guarding your associations and making sure you're around the right people. The easy way is embracing and being grateful that you had someone that believed in you. I used to tell you borrow my belief in you until you believe in yourself. You made it so much harder then it actually had to be. The way you're doing it Dear will literally take the rest of your life. Remember the slight edge chart? Successful people take full responsibility, unsuccessful people always blame. It's never their fault.

Okay, I really am going to end now. I can't believe all this started just because I found out how little you really were doing around here while telling me you were doing much more. That's called character. I was under the impression that you wanted to develop your character into a honest, beautiful, and integrity filled young woman. Please know that I still pray and hope that you find happiness. I now know that it will not be with me unfortunately but that doesn't mean that you can't find it somewhere else. I also want you to know that you made a profound impact on my life. Even though I'm no longer in your life I am still going to ask something of you. Dear go and make me proud of you. I believe in you.

Wilde