Creating a New History

If you would've asked me five years ago if I would've spelt several consecutive Christmases with someone very special to me I would've told you you were crazy. Indeed I did. I will give dear a big complement. She always made it very Christmasy around here. What I think is weird is that she made such a point to let me know that she wanted to spend the holidays with me again this year and now she's just gone. What's even worse, depending on how you look at it is, I know her so well that she would not just completely abandon me this way unless she had another guy or two distracting her. The reason I said depending on how you look at it is I would rather know that now than later, as sad as it does make me. At least I know for 100% sure she is not going to put any considerable effort in to building a life with me. Sometimes we didn't have the best Christmases but nevertheless we were together. I looked at it as building a tradition with someone I loved.

I was just proofreading what I wrote and something really stuck out to me. When I wrote that she really made a point of letting me know that she wanted to spend the holidays with me. What stuck out to me is how easily she can changes her mind and how easily she can breaks her commitments. She told me more times than I can count that she loved me and she would do whatever it took to make things right between us. She told me that she knew for sure I was the one and if it took the rest of her life to make things right she would happily do that. The only reason I can think of for her to break her commitment would be for me to do something that would be a complete dealbreaker. If I did that she sure did not let me know about it. If she was so terribly unhappy with me why did she even come back to me? Why did she even give me any hope? Just for the record I have missed sleeping with my orangutan. 

I know I'm the only person thinking about these things. I know she certainly is not. She told me what she does when we are apart and believe me it's anything but think about us. It's all about how many guys she can sleep with and how many of them will be married. She really likes sleeping with married guys. One day until Christmas and she's done nothing to convince me anything different. Thanks dear.