The Aftermath Of Dear

I feel like some of the readers of this blog might feel I went back to the beginning and skimmed through the present-day. And it really seems like in some ways I could just copy and paste from the older days to today. At least I can see how it would seem that way to the reader. Because each relationship I have written about has been very personal to me. And I'm not talking about just girlfriends. There are actually many other relationships as I looked back that I have written about.

By now I'm sure you figured out that Dear is gone. And I sure don't expect you to be counting the times she has left. Heck, it's hard for me to keep track of how many times she's left. But I have and I'll tell you the number, drumroll please 4. Each and every time she's left I have gone and gotten her and convinced her to come back. Yes I am honest on LOW, even when it makes me look really bad. And I think by anybody's meter if a girl has cheated on you and moved out on her own three different times and you would let no more than three weeks go by and you literally drove five hours when she has not asked you not to, in fact she did the opposite saying she did not want to come back. But nevertheless I went for it and she came back in September 2014. It does make me feel a little bit better that I did tell her in September that if she did come back and left again it would be the last time.

I passed one milestone already. It might be a small one nevertheless I think it counts. In the last three years we've never been apart from each other longer than three weeks. Well this is been the fourth week, And call me crazy but it's actually been the hardest week. I guess to me it just puts some finality to it. Because I didn't mean what I said, which was three times is enough so if you leave again you cannot come back.

There is something more interesting to me about this fourth week. Well let me say interesting and hurtful. Just like the times before she has not asked to come back, she has not attempted to come back, I have spoken to her and seen her and she acts like I am the least interesting object on the planet earth. I'm sorry but after three years that's hurtful. And you may ask how have I acted? There hasn't been a time that I've seen her (its only been once) or a time I've talked to her that I could get through it without crying. She seems highly unaffected by all this. Actually, that's not really true she doesn't seem unaffected. She seems blank and an entirely different person in a good way for her.

She can't stop talking about the new job that she's gotten, she bought herself an iPhone, and she is buying herself a car. I realize those things by themselves don't equal up to she doesn't miss you and she's happy. What I am saying is whenever I've seen her or talked to her or for that matter received an email or text from her she's always happy. When I saw her and when I speak to her I can hear the happiness in her voice. Or maybe I should say it this way, I haven't heard her be this happy since the first three months we dated. I have said all along that I wanted her to be happy even if it's without me. And I still mean that and I still stand by that. The only point I'm making here is you would just think that if you lived with someone for three years and you said you loved them and you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them when that came to an end either person wouldn't just bounce right back? Right, or is there something I'm missing here? As I think about this I guess that's the part that's hurtful, It seems as though she was just so measurable with me that is soon as she got away from me it was like a giant weight lifted off of her shoulders. As for me, I take commitment slightly more seriously. The definition of commitment is doing the thing you said you would do long after the feeling you said it in has left you. 

She wants to be just friends as she says. Would someone tell me please, how do you go from being an intimate relationship for three years and your partner cheating on you and not doing anything to make up for it except by leaving you and then they want to be friends and just see where things go? I am not saying I'm not willing to do that, I am saying I don't know how to do that. I remember telling Dear about a week or two before she left, we still had emotional businesss to take care of and it would be easier to do that together rather than separately. As I told her, we have been together three years, gone through so many things together, there is a lot of emotional business that we need to work through as adults. We don't have to work on it together, we can work on it separately if we must. I don't think she really understood what I was talking about. I do think it became abundantly clear the one time she has come to see me in four weeks or maybe it's one of the rare phone calls that I've received. We got to talking about something and I started off by saying that I wasn't handling this very good and would she just listen and support me? She said of course, I had made some notes of what I wanted to talk about so I didn't get off track. I got about two topics in and then I just could not hold back the.....

Part 2 SOON