Day 9 - Dear Gone

Here it is nine days after dear left and all I can think about is dear. Where is she? What is she doing? Does she miss me? Does she even think about me? How could she really love me for three years and then just go away? No phone calls, no letters, no I'm sorry's. Nothing. Just gone?

When she left I told her that when she got a new email address and if she wanted me to have it to send it to me, Also when she got a new phone number and if she wanted me to have it to also send that to me.

One thing in particular that I keep thinking about today is, the first day she left she wrote me a email from her new email address letting me know what her new email address was and that she got there safely. I am assuming she did not get a new phone number or she doesn't want me to have the number because she did not include that in her email. But I noticed that she signed the e-mail “tootles” and then just her name. She has never signed a letter to me like that before. Shortly after she left one of my dogs, Pacey became very ill. I begin taking her to the vet every day. Finally towards the end of the week the vet told me it was time to go to the next level and I needed to take her to a specialty hospital in Austin. One thing I do know for sure is that dear truly does love my dogs and they truly do love and miss her. I felt like it was the right thing to do to send her a little note letting her know what was going on with Pacey. She wrote me a note back saying that she definitely wanted to meet us in Austin and be with Pacey and I. But again I noticed that she just signed the email "hope you had a good day" and her name? Don't get me wrong I don't want her to sign her emails to me love dear if that's not what she feels. What puzzles me though is how can she not love me in less than a week? And in case you're wondering, yes I signed my emails love Wilde. Not out of any sense of obligation just because I do love her and I want her to know that. More likely this is just my insecurities playing with my mind again, Nevertheless we were together for three years why wasn't I got enough? It's just so sad to me. It feels like the death of a dream.