Moving on to Dear and why this medical procedure set off some triggers for me with her.
I had the same exact medical procedure several times a few years ago in Dallas. Dear always went with me and I always felt calmer with her around. I have a belief that anytime you're having a medical procedure done or anytime you're in the hospital, you need to have someone that you can count on to be by your side. Medical mistakes and oversights happen all the time. Dear always made me feel comfortable knowing that if she felt like something wasn't right she would speak up.
I've been putting this procedure off for quite sometime because Dear is gone. I've just been thinking of all of the things that we did together. And all of the things that I wanted to do together. One day I went to see my psychiatrist and I had a very simple question for him. The question was do you think I should avoid Al-Anon for a while because I know that Dear used to go regularly and I really don't know if I want to run into her? His answer was clear and concise. Absolutely not, if you want to go to Al-Anon, go to every meeting you want to go to. By not going, that gives her the power over you and she doesn't have any power over you any longer.
For some reason as the days went by that statement really stuck with me. She did have the power over me for 3 freaking years. And I'm not going to let her have the power one more day or one more minute. So what that meant to me was I can go and have that medical procedure done without her. She's not the only person on the face of the earth that can go with me. Looking back, I wish I wouldn't have let her go with me then because little did I know she was calling and texting her other boyfriends while I was in recovery!
I haven't done much podcasting or posting very much lately because it always reminded me of her. However, the last time I checked the name of the blog it is LIFEOFWILDE not LIFEOFWILDEandDEAR. I refuse to let her have any more power over me. It's that clear-cut and simple. She had her chance and she blew it.