Disbelief, Sad, Dear - Part 2

I'm not sure why but here lately I have really missed her. Or I really miss who I thought she was at least. It makes me so angry what she did to us. I just feel like we had it all but it still wasn't enough for her.

Disbelief

I also remember so vividly sharing with Maria Ochoa from San Angelo, Texas how deeply it hurt me when Littleone cheated on me and led two separate lives while we were together. I remember telling Dear how difficult it was trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't with Littleone. It had been years since the whole Littleone thing but it was still very raw to me even when I was with Dear. But Dear made it safe for me and I literally cried in her arms at times.

The whole time this was happening Dear was assuring me that she would never do anything remotely close to that to me. Little did I know that she was taking notes on exactly what to do and how to hurt me the most. Is that what she was doing? That's the bad thing about Dear disappearing. I'm left to draw my own conclusions. How can that be the same girl that I thought was so stunningly beautiful? The same girl that all I wanted to do was make her happy? There are so many contradictions that it absolutely kills me. I know I'm talking in circles sort of but just stick with me.

You have Dear that is so kind and loving that she literally held me while I cried about Littleone and seemed so compassionate on one hand and then on the other hand you have the Dear that during one of the many times we were broken up drove four hours to see me for the day and say that she wanted us to be back together. Yet she was with another guy within days of saying that!

I keep going back to this comment that someone left “Did you ever think about the fact that she molded herself to what she thought you wanted, so she could use you more. Speaking from I know her now, and I see how she acts around all the men we work with. That is just her, she is incapable or doesn't want to change. You need to put a smile on, and move on she was not the one for you. Realize that! Wake Up and Smell the Coffee. I've read your blog for going on 5 years now its time to suck it up”. Thank you again for whomever left that comment.

The first part of that comment about her molding herself and doing what she thought I wanted so she could use me more falls under my disbelief column. How and why would she do this to me? And for three years and seem so sincere?  I really don't want to believe it but without her here to say any different, I don't have much of a choice but to believe it. And then the part about how she acts around guys at work. She used to tell me that she seeks male attention because it makes her feel better about herself. Maria Ochoa from San Angelo, Texas used to tell me a lot of things about the reasons she did what she does with random men. The conclusion I've come to is.......

Part 3 SOON