Why Am I Not Good Enough? Part 3

To be clear, these are all things that she told me herself. That little break she had from me she was sleeping with a married man from the printing shop, she was sleeping with the guy she worked with at Chili's, and yes there is one more. The third guy she met in a grocery store parking lot. They exchanged numbers and met up a few days later. She told me that this was the first time in her life that she was having so much sex with so many different random people at the same time. And she wasn't having safe sex. She told me it usually was just one guy until she felt like she had a total power and control over him, and then she would move onto the next one. But this time she was mixing them all up.

I know a lot of you are wondering why I kept taking her back? That is a fair question. Because I really did and still do love her.  Because I saw something special in her. One of the big reasons was because I didn't want her to do something so bad that it wasn't fixable. She's so lucky that one of these guys hasn't taken her off somewhere and beaten her up or killed her. She's so lucky that at this point she doesn't have any diseases or kids. And at this point she doesn't have any major legal problems and she also doesn't have a mountain of debt. I felt like I needed to rescue her and keep her safe. I felt like that's what you do when you love someone.

It's still hard for me to believe and it makes me so incredibly sad that she thinks so little of herself to act in a manner that's so unbecoming. Girls like that are not the kind of girls that you typically settle down with and take home to meet your family. It also frustrates me so much because she has seen her two older sisters and what a disaster their lives are. Her oldest sister has no education, two kids by two different guys and is working on a third. The next younger sister lives with a convicted drug dealer, also has no education and is a big time drug dealer. I want Dear to see that she's not that far off from being like them if not worse. That's where it goes back to having a conscience and wanting to do the right thing.

One of the times we broke up Dear went and spent a week with her sister. Since the sister's boyfriend is on probation they asked Dear to help out with some of the drug deals they had going on and Dear happily did it.

Anyway I know I'm going on and on and I'm sorry. It just makes me so sad that I think more of Dear than she thinks of herself.  I remember when I first met her. I asked her why she chose to move so far away from home. She said she wanted to get away to make sure she did not end up like her family. She wanted to make something of herself. I was so proud of her.

Dear told me when she moved back in with me that she didn't want to have random sex with guys that she knew were just using her because it felt like every time she did she was giving away a little part of herself. I was so proud of her. Optimism is always talked about as if it's a good thing to be optimistic. Sometimes I think though that my optimism causes me a lot of pain. I remember people telling me literally years ago when Dear spent nine months pursuing her best friend's boyfriend behind my back. When I called her on it she wasn't sorry, she was sorry that she got caught. People would tell me to cut my losses and move on. People would tell me people like her don't change. I heard all kinds of things, I just didn't want to believe them. I didn't want to believe that this beautiful, intelligent, funny, amazing young woman was just going to be like that for the rest of her life. I literally remember thinking.... Part 4 Soon

Why Am I Not Good Enough? Part 2

I think I mentioned this the other day, but after she moved back she started seeing a male counselor. I felt like the more she saw him the worst things got between us. I asked her about a month in if I asked her to choose between me or her counselor that she'd known for a month, which one would she choose? And let me be clear, I am not asking you to choose, I'm just asking you hypothetically which one would you choose? She quickly said she would choose Neil the counselor. I asked her if she felt like the more she saw him the more our relationship went downhill? She said yes she did. Let me just get this straight, she would just throw me away after three years and three months for a counselor that she has known for a month? And she said yes. 

Ultimately it just makes me really sad. I really and truthfully feel that she really did love me and cared for me. I really did think that we had a chance. We didn't have a chance because she was doing nothing more than using me. People have told me that about her for years. I just never wanted to believe that. After seeing where she was living for the four months she was gone and having to work two jobs, no wonder she wanted to come back here.

I remember when I took her back home to get her stuff she wanted me to take her by Chili's so she could quit. She didn't give them two weeks notice or anything she just walked in and quit on them. *Just a little quick side note on this as well. I asked her if she wanted me to go in with her and she said no she needed to do it alone. She acted kind of weird about it. She was very adamant that she did not want me going in. I really just didn't think that much about it at the time. Later I found out the reason she didn't want me going in was because one of the guys she was having sex with also worked there.* 

Now fast-forward to her living here with me. She's working at Holiday Cleaners and we decided that she should lower her hours. She really rebelled against that and said I can't justdo that tomorrow because I don't want to treat my employer that way. I thought that was a little strange. She had no problem just walking in Chili's and quitting but she didn't want to go into work the next day and just talk to them about changing her schedule? It's becoming very clear that she was doing far more than just working at Holiday Cleaners. Dear also told me while she was gone for those four months that she went one day about 4:15 to pick up some business cards for her family's restaurant. Her family had ordered the cards they just needed her to go pick them up. She did go and pick them up and met one of the guys that works there. That's the first time she had even been there and the first time she had met this guy. She went back to the printing shop about four hours later the same day and had sex with him! Oh one more little extra, the guy was married.

I'm sure you have guessed what is coming next. That guy had "put in a good word for her with the owner" and she was going to start working there in the next couple of weeks. The only reason she didn't is she moved back in with me. To be..... Part 3 Soon

Why Am I Not Good Enough?

As many of you know Dear has been gone over five weeks. I tend to remember the good things and forget about the bad things as time goes by. I was just looking through some of the billing that Wildeco has to do monthly. Dear was always in charge of that. Without too many details, Wildeco issues some bills out to various people each month but we don't have to actually wait for them to pay. We have their credit card number on the file, so as soon as the bill is generated we run the card and it's as simple as that. She moved back in August. Dear assured me that she was taking care of that each and every month. She moved out in the first part of November, so I'm not counting November. She assured me that she was taking care of things for September and October. She also told me she was even going back to make sure that I had done things correctly while she was gone.

As I was looking through things tonight I discovered that she did do the billing for September but she did not do any of it for October? Let me explain one little additional thing. The billing is one of the absolute easiest things we do here. It's marked on the calendar of when to bill who and how much and you run their credit card and it's done. Maximum of 3 to 4 minutes a month. I remember asking her if everything was getting done and if everything was going okay. She assured me that she was taking care of things. Come on Dear. Really, you didn't even run the credit cards? Tonight as I'm looking through it and getting ready to run them, I find out that she didn't even have the credit card numbers put in the computer and linked to the right person. This is where the word conscience comes in for me. How could you let someone provide you with a place to live, a car, and all the basic necessities and then not even do the smallest amount of your part? 

The bigger thing for me is not the part of providing her a place to live and the financial stuff. The much bigger part for me is her leading me to believe that she loved me and that we were a team. The more and more I look through the office stuff the more and more stuff I find that she didn't do. It looks like to me that she did pretty well when she initially came back, but as time went on she did less and less. I think I...... Part 2 Soon

Creating a New History

If you would've asked me five years ago if I would've spelt several consecutive Christmases with someone very special to me I would've told you you were crazy. Indeed I did. I will give dear a big complement. She always made it very Christmasy around here. What I think is weird is that she made such a point to let me know that she wanted to spend the holidays with me again this year and now she's just gone. What's even worse, depending on how you look at it is, I know her so well that she would not just completely abandon me this way unless she had another guy or two distracting her. The reason I said depending on how you look at it is I would rather know that now than later, as sad as it does make me. At least I know for 100% sure she is not going to put any considerable effort in to building a life with me. Sometimes we didn't have the best Christmases but nevertheless we were together. I looked at it as building a tradition with someone I loved.

I was just proofreading what I wrote and something really stuck out to me. When I wrote that she really made a point of letting me know that she wanted to spend the holidays with me. What stuck out to me is how easily she can changes her mind and how easily she can breaks her commitments. She told me more times than I can count that she loved me and she would do whatever it took to make things right between us. She told me that she knew for sure I was the one and if it took the rest of her life to make things right she would happily do that. The only reason I can think of for her to break her commitment would be for me to do something that would be a complete dealbreaker. If I did that she sure did not let me know about it. If she was so terribly unhappy with me why did she even come back to me? Why did she even give me any hope? Just for the record I have missed sleeping with my orangutan. 

I know I'm the only person thinking about these things. I know she certainly is not. She told me what she does when we are apart and believe me it's anything but think about us. It's all about how many guys she can sleep with and how many of them will be married. She really likes sleeping with married guys. One day until Christmas and she's done nothing to convince me anything different. Thanks dear. 

Unhappy Holidays Again - Part 7

Could someone please explain this to me. Let's just say that what she said is true, I ignored her for more than a week. Let's just say that's 100% true. Tell me how you could have such strong feelings in the note and then I ignore you for more than a week and it's over, she's done with me. I guess that someone could write a note like that and then if she found out that I had been cheating on her then it would be over real fast, I get that. What I don't get is she didn't honor her commitments for those eight weeks. I asked her to contribute financially to our household and she chose to financially contribute to a different household. She's calling my dad and riding around all over town with him which she promised me she wouldn't do. Yet in her view, I ignored her for a week and because of that we're finished? Someone please explain that to me.

What Johnny wants

  1. I want to feel like she's sorry for stealing money from me and taking other guys out on a date with my money.
  2. I want to feel pursued. I want her to literally do the same things and more things that she was doing for those nine months when she was trying to seduce and sleep with her best friend's boyfriend.
  3. I want her to be honest with me.
  4. I want her to trust me and to submit to me.
  5. I want her to love me, I want her to be in love with me, I want her to want to make love to me.
  6. I want her to put me number one.
  7. I want her to be consistent.
  8. I want her to show me that she can say something and then no matter what happens she still means what she says.
  9. I want her to want me.

I know those things make me sound so pitiful. It makes me so sad that I have to want her to want me. I keep telling her we keep putting more problems on top of the problems we have. What we were supposed to be doing is working on the problems we had and removing those problems from the middle so we would get closer together.

I never thought I would say this but I would give anything to go back to that day in June when I found out she was cheating on me and pursuing her best friend's boyfriend. All of that makes what she's done since then look like nothing. Have I been perfect, no. Have I done better, yes. Have I slept with anyone else other than her since I've known her, no I have not. Nor have I wanted to. And yes I think that should count for something. After she cheated on me and stole from me, did I drive four hours to go get her to offer her another chance when she said she didn't even want another chance, yes I did that and yes I think that should count for something. Did she cheat on me for months in the beginning, yes. On the very first night we spent together did she get out of bed real early to go have breakfast with another guy, yes she did. At every possible turn have a offered her another chance,yes I have and I think that should count for something. Has she had sex with another man while we were in a committed relationship, yes.  Did she have safe sex, no. Did she tell me about it, no.

Is it fair that she could've given me some horrible disease, no. Have I given her another chance after that, yes and I think that should count for something.  Why is it so bad for me to want her to love me, for her to want to be kind to me, for her to want to please me? Why is that so bad? Why is it so complicated? When you make a mistake you admit your mistake you take an immediate actions to correct it and you move on. That's not that hard. Except she keeps making mistakes and she keeps not admitting them and she keeps not taking immediate action to correct them. Am I that horrible of a person that she just wants to keep hurting me? I have honestly thought that for quite sometime.

When she has talked to me about this power she feels by getting a married man to choose her over his family she just lights up and you can tell she's so satisfied. And what's so sad and scary is she will talk to me about it and she can see the pain in my eyes and she knows how much she's hurting me but I think I see some sense of satisfaction sometimes when she's doing that.

She knows that the absolute worst thing she can do is to leave me. Even if I get up in the middle of my night and I'm upset and I go to the other room she used to come in there and ask me what's wrong. Talk to me. She promised she would never abandoned me again and she abandoned me for $575. It's not like there's a choice if she has to pay that. She has to pay to live somewhere, so why not put those finances in our own family instead of some rent house with three other people? She left me again. And the only thing worse than that is what she's done since she's been gone.

I want so badly to make her happy. I want to give her anything and everything she's ever dreamed of. I want to protect her. I want to have fun with her. I want her to be my best friend again and my lover again. And as Gina said in the comment, if I look at it objectively it hurts me so badly to know that she doesn't want any of those things. We wouldn't be three years into it and she's still lying to me. She doesn't want me. I can look at it objectively and no she doesn't want me, she's not attracted to me, and I'm not enough for her. And no matter what I ever do I cannot fulfill her or make her happy and that makes me sad.

Unhappy Holidays Again - Part 6

Back to last night's text. I haven't heard from her but I thought I didn't care, I wanted to let her know how I feel. I'm only in charge of me not her. This is the text I sent last night.

Dear, would you get in a quiet location and we will think about what I'm about to say. I love you very much. The only reason we are in this situation is because you were proving that you weren't good enough for me. I have always said that that should be my decision. First of all you are good enough for me. You're more than good enough. Remember when you first came back this time, things were going really well for the first few weeks? I said to you, "Dear, journal this, write this down because inevitably you get in a bad spot and then it spirals out of control." You said that you feel like you are not lovable, if you just disappeared no one would come to look for you, you're not important to anyone, you're not pretty. Just look at what you've done over the past few weeks you've put yourself in a situation where all those things seem true. The only person that tells you different is someone that you pay. I want you to know that I do love you. I know that you are beautiful and special. I miss so much hugging you and kissing you. There are 27 days till Christmas. This would be our third Christmas together. I've always told you that you have to look at people's motivations. How long would Neil stick around if you stopped paying him? Who do you have in your life or who have you had in your life that would stick around if you stopped giving them what they wanted. In other words, if you stopped having sex with those other guys would they have stuck around? After everything you've done to you and to me and to our family I have always been here for you. If you can't see that and feel that legitimately, you need not even answer my text. Seriously. Nevertheless I want you to know I love you - Wilde

That is the text I sent to her other than I fixed a few grammatical errors.

This is what she sent back to me,

Yes, I do feel all things you're saying and yes I did journal about it. I am very very upset and you didn't even give me a chance to talk to you so I am very very upset. I am tired of consistently blaming Neil. He's not the problem. We are the ones making it hard on each other. I love you very much for always being there for me in the past but after the first few weeks that I came back I feel like you completely abandoned me emotionally. REALLY think about what I AM saying. You asked me who has stuck around after I stopped giving them what they wanted - well no one and you have now done that to me. I wasn't doing what YOU wanted me to do and so you said that it would be better for me to move out. 

I love you very much and I am also very hurt but you can't see that because you're busy blaming Neil or consumed in your own hurt. 

I miss you so much also. I just wish things were going better. 

Your actions have not shown me that you love me in the last couple of weeks. It's almost freezing outside and I have none of my winter clothes because you won't allow me to come get any of it. I'm sorry I just don't understand how that's loving. 

There is nothing I want more in this world than for you to love me the way you used to without depending on me. I love you so much. 

I emotionally CAN NOT go through these ups and downs with you ignoring me and not talking to me for days. I told you this from the beginning. 

If these ups and downs continue I will never recover fully emotionally and I want to so badly for me so that I can love you even more. 

You won't even answer my calls so that we could talk about it. 

I wanted to have Thanksgiving with you so badly. You just ignored me like I didn't exist like I'm no one to you. 

That's not love. 

I told you I really really needed you and your actions was for me to move out. 

Here is what I texted back

You say Neil's not the problem and that's great and that’s such an easy thing to figure out. You take him out of the equation for a month. Then do a plan and do a review. Time will either promote him or expose him. Super easy to figure out if he's part of the problem. If I can read English which I believe based on the text you just sent me you do not believe that I love you. 

1. 'You completely abandoned me emotionally" 2."your actions have not shown me that you love me in the last couple of weeks." 3. 'I just ignore you like you don't even exist, like if you're nothing to me" 4. 'That's not love" Do you now understand why I wanted you to move out? Do you now understand why I ignore you? Do you now understand why I don't answer your calls? If you legitimately don't understand why then here's the reason.

This is the text I sent you

Dear would you get in a quiet location and we will think about what I'm about to say. I love you very much. The only reason we are in this situation is because you were proving that you weren't good enough for me. I have always said that that should be my decision. First of all you are good enough for me. You're more than good enough. Remember when you first came back this time things were going really well for the first few weeks? I said to you, "Dear, journal this. Write this down because inevitably you get in a bad spot and then it spirals out of control. You said that you feel like you are not lovable, if you just disappeared no one would come to look for you, you're not important to anyone, you're not pretty. Just look at what you've done over the past few weeks. You've put yourself in a situation where all those things seem true. The only person that tells you different is someone that you pay. I want you to know that I do love you. I know that you are beautiful and special. I miss so much hugging you and kissing you. There are 27 days till Christmas. This would be our third Christmas together. I've always told you that you have to look at people's motivations. How long would Neil stick around if you stopped paying him? Who do you have in your life or who have you had in your life that would stick around if you stopped giving them what they wanted. In other words what I'm saying is if you stopped having sex with those other guys would they have stuck around? After everything you've done to you and to me and to our family I have always been here for you. If you can't see that and feel that legitimately you need not even answer my text. Seriously. Nevertheless I want you to know I love you - Wilde

How many times in that text am I telling you what you're not doing? How many times in that text am I telling you that you're not enough? Each and every time I text you or attempt to talk to you, you come back with all of the things I’m not doing and/or all the things you don't like about me. So therefore out of love it's better for you if I just disappear. I know in there is my Dear. In there somewhere you will see what's going on. I love you very much. I'm sorry I upset you again tonight.

No text, no call, no nothing since that communication last night. What confuses the hell out of me is when she says things like I wanted to have Thanksgiving with you so badly. The thing is I know her very well. And when she wants something so badly she gets it. It's not like she showed up on Thanksgiving and I called the sheriff and had her removed or something! She made no attempt what so ever to make that happen. And what I mean by that is look it all she did to get with that guy from Chili’s. I wish she would just put half of the effort into making me happy as she did in making those random guys happy. There are so many things that I can't say on this blog because they're X rated that I know she did for these guys to make them happy. And the reason I know is because she told me. One thing in particular she told me she did it because she knew it would hurt me more than anything else. Well, there's one part of that that's not true. It would not hurt me if she wouldn't of told me. If she wouldn't have come back under false pretenses I would've never known.  But we can't go back and change the past. But what we can do if I felt like she wanted me just half as much as she wanted those guys, I would feel so empowered and so pursued, loved, and attractive.

The Friday after Thanksgiving she texted me to ask if she could come pick up the rest of her things so I wouldn't have to spend the money mailing. I texted back and said, "Funny. I didn't know we were broken up?" She texted back, "You completely ignored me for more than a week." Somebody tell me what I'm missing please. Just a few days before she left she wrote me a very sweet note. Here is part of it. I want you to know that I love you. I hope that you will believe I do care about you so very much and I love you very much. I know that I want you and need you very much. I love you with all of my heart and I am sorry I don't do a good job of showing it.

Could someone please explain.....Part 7 Soon

Unhappy Holidays Again - Part 5

The total was $575. As I told her anyone knows that paying $575, I am not looking to make a profit here. Tell me where else she can live and not have to worry with a bunch of roommates, have Internet, DirecTV, Netflix, Hulu, a laptop, a printer, washing machine and dryer. And let's not forget, get to drive a nice dependable car and have insurance on the car and on top of that get to live with your boyfriend. She says she wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. Sometimes finances make things like that very difficult to do. She told me that 575 was completely unfair. This was on a Sunday but she said she would pay it. I was waiting for a check or cash or however she was going to pay it. She said I would rather pay you in cash so I will get it out of the bank tomorrow after work and give it to you. I said okay great.

Monday rolls around and I don't say anything about it because I want to trust that she will do what she said she's going to do and I want to give her the opportunity to do that. I waited until we were in bed getting ready to go to sleep that evening when I finally said, "Dear, did you get the money out of the bank like you said you were going to do?" And she said that she totally forgot. She was very sorry but she just forgot. She promised that she would do it the next day that being Tuesday. I said okay great.

Tuesday she comes home and tells me she did not get the money out and she is not going to pay it. She said she's just going to move to town because it's cheaper to live there. So once again, it's those little things. She told me she would pay on Monday. She said she didn't agree but that she would pay. I made it clear that we were going to take this month by month and if I could see that she was making progress I would do my best to help her out financially. But see she doesn't get, that by telling me on Sunday that she's going to pay me Monday and then not paying me is lying. Anyway on that Tuesday, I said, "Okay, when will you be moving?" She said, "I can be out of here in under a week." I said, "That's not what I'm asking. I'm just asking when are you going to move? I would like to put a time frame on it." She said she would be out by the following Tuesday. I said okay. I told her that I would take her to work on that Tuesday and then I would come home.  She could get to her new house however she was going to get there. That was none of my business. She didn't have a vehicle and said she was just going to walk. It was no problem.

She told me that she wanted to have Thanksgiving with me and she still considered us exclusive. However, she has made no effort to see me whatsoever. Let me qualify that just a little bit. When she was gone for those four months last time, she kept calling my dad and even came to San Angelo and had lunch with my dad. I don't know about you, but I've never in my entire life had an ex-girlfriend go out of their way to stay in contact with my alcoholic father. But she did. When she came back this time that was another thing that was talked about. I asked her if she could commit to leaving my dad alone. If something were to happen and we didn't work out she promised me she would leave my dad alone. I just think that's weird and we all know the elephant in the room that she loves to have sex with older married men. Also, my dad is an active alcoholic. I have a hard enough time dealing and communicating with him without getting an ex-girlfriend in the picture.

Those of you who have read this blog for a long time have read where my dad and I have the best relationship we've had in a long time. And that was true when I wrote it. He would come out to my house almost every day in the mornings when he wasn't so drunk and we would get to talk for just 5 or 10 minutes. But I loved those times. And my dad is really the only family that I have. And Dear knows all of this. I have told her all of this. Please, I invite all of you to go back and read some of the old posts about how happy I was that I was getting five or 10 or 15 minutes a day to talk to my dad. That's more then I had gotten in years. Dear has taken that all away. She even took my dad away from me.

Remember her promising me to leave him alone if we didn't workout? On Tuesday, it'll be two weeks since she's been gone. She's been calling Dad and asking him to take her to run her errands. And then he gets drunk and comes out to my house or calls me yelling and cussing and angry that he has to haul around my girlfriend, as he puts it. And that I kicked my girlfriend out and she doesn't have a car and all of that is my fault and now he has to take her everywhere. My dad is an alcoholic and this did sound a little outlandish but I've looked at the call records and he indeed is telling the truth.

I didn't think we were broken up. I recently found out that Dear does think we're broken up. Either way isn't it weird and creepy that she will not leave my father alone? My father that she knows is an active alcoholic. My father that she knows likes her.  I can't help but think it would be the ultimate power trip for her to sleep with my dad who by the way is still married. I can't help it that she doesn't have a car. She's the one that didn't do what she said she was going to do. I gave her eight weeks. She says if she had to choose me or her counselor she would choose him. There's been no intimacy between she and I in over a month and a half. It doesn't really sound like she wanted to stay here. In fact, I know she didn't want to stay here because I know she's not dumb enough to think she can live somewhere else and have all the amenities that she had for $575 dollars a month. So that's where we are and how we got here. 

Here's the latest update. Last night I texted her. Like I said, I haven't seen her since she left and I've only talked to her I handful of times. She will tell you that that's my fault because I haven't come to town to get her, or haven't answered my phone, or whatever whatever. Here is how I feel and I so wished she would understand this. Just a few months ago when she left me and moved back in with her sister she was sexual with random guys. But let's clarify this a little bit. Usually guys are the dirty dog,s so to speak, and they go after the girl and just want to have sex with them and nothing else, right? Dear did it far differently. I'll give you one example. She went one day to pick up some business cards about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. She met a guy that works at the printing shop for the first time that day. Four hours later she went back to the printing shop since it was closed and had sex with that guy she had just met four hours before and he is married.

My point is is when she wants something she gets it. My other point is is she doesn't mind at all working to get a guy. Usually the guy works to get in the girl's pants. But she works to get in the guy's pants. Another example. She was working at Chili's for maybe a week. She gets off her shift at 11 or 12 o'clock at night and goes home to her sister's house at that time. She sits out in the car because she doesn't want to go in because she wants to have sex with one of her coworkers but she hasn't worked there long enough to flirt and do things the normal way where he would probably ask for her number or something like that. So she logs in to the Chili's corporate system where they do their scheduling and tracks down this guy's phone number. She texts him at that late hour telling him this is "Dear," you know the new girl that works at Chili's where you work. The guy does not text her back. So what does she do, she just gives up and goes inside to bed, right? Wrong. She texts him again and explains who she is asking him to meet in the park so they can talk. This is something I think a guy would do but I don't even know if a guy would be so bold to track a girl down in this fashion before getting to know her a little bit more.

But when she wants something, Dear she goes after it one hundred percent. Sure enough she meets the guy in the park at 1:30 in the morning. By the way what about the issue of transportation? That's what she says now. She wants to see me but she doesn't have anyway to get out here to see me. But with those guys she always figures it out, she borrows a car, she gets someone to take her, whatever it takes, she figures it out. Remember the point to the story? The point is if she wanted to see me, If she wanted to talk to me, If she wanted to be in my life she would be. I want to feel pursued just like those guys were. Is that so bad and wrong to want to feel pursued? Those guys were even telling her what they wanted her to wear and she would wear exactly what they requested. For me, she won't even keep herself groomed. 

Back to last nights text. I haven't heard....Part 6 Soon

LOW Counseling 6 - It Hurts Alot

** I say in the show open this is episode 5 but it really is episode 6. Sorry for the confusion.

Matthew and I discuss why it still hurts so much and if that hurt is legitimate or non-legitimate. Listener feedback would be much appreciated. Listener feedback would be much appreciated and would love to consider having Christmas with dear?

Hosts: Johnny Wilde  @lifeofwildeMatthew Hunt  @onlinetherapyOD,